This memorial website was created in memory of Jacob J Nyenhuis, who was born in Florida April 21, 1988 and died in a car accident September 24, 2006 at the age of 18.  To learn about Jacob and the details of the accident, scroll down way down to the "About Jacob" section. 

After your visit here, we would love for you to visit the website for the foundation we established in Jacob's memory - http://j9foundation.org 

It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders!  His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; his dominion endures from generation to generation.  Daniel 4:2&3

Signs and Wonders

I was being prepared for Jacob's death, but I didn't know it at the time.  I was given signs, visions & dreams that pointed toward what was coming.

Since his death, the dreams, visions, signs and wonders have continued, but instead of pointing toward Jacob's death, they are pointing toward Heaven & Jacob's eternal life. Ultimately, they are pointing toward God.

Of course, the choice is mine. I can turn a blind eye to these things, ignore them and never speak of them. I can dismiss them as mere snares on Satan's part, thereby giving him the power and glory for such amazing acts. By doing so, however, I would deny the opportunity to give God the glory for His great power. I would also deny the peace, comfort and joy these things have brought to me, my family and countless others. Instead, I long to proclaim the love and compassion our God pours out on His children who are hurting.

My choice is to give God the glory for these good gifts, to receive His tender mercies that are new every morning, to be healed by His compassion and love, to lift my hands in praise and dance during the darkest storm of my life.

Soak up the Scripture that follows. Let the words settle deep in your soul. Let your heart be softened. Then stand in awe of a mighty God as you read of the great things He has done.

This is a picture of a branch directly above Jacob's spot at Christ Church Cemetery. You can see the profile of a face in the main branch. It looks similar to Jacob's profile as a boy. The sketch at the right gives you a rough idea of what the branch looks like & might help you locate it in the picture. We believe this branch was a gift from God. He began forming this branch well over 100 years ago, but He knew Jacob's ashes would one day be kept directly under it and how this branch would comfort us.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4:9

Since no one knows the future, who can tell him what is to come? No one has power over the wind to contain it; so no one has power over the day of his death.  -Ecclesiastes 8:7&8a

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. -Isaiah 57:1&2

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.  Psalm 40:1-3

As you go, preach this message:

The Kingdom of Heaven is near. Matt 10:7

So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Matthew 10:26&27

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life.

They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"   Matt 27:50-54

The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of Heaven has been given to you, but not to them. This is why I speak to them in parables:  Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.  Matt 13:11 & 13

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" John 11:25

Then Jesus said, (Just before He raised Lazarus from the dead) "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

"I tell you," Jesus replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."  Luke 19:40  This is why I (Sandy) share the stories of God's goodness, in the midst of tragedy and heartache. He does not desert us. In fact, He is closer than ever and can reveal His glory in mighty ways, as He chooses. May your hope be renewed as you ponder the goodness, power and glory of God. Please do not stand in awe of the accounts shared here.  Stand in awe of God. He works in the spiritual and physical realms in mysterious ways. As Gabriel, the angel, said to Mary, "Nothing is impossible with God." What could be more mysterious, impossible and unbelievable than God coming to earth as a child in a feeding trough to a poor, unwed, virgin mother? He does, indeed, work in mysterious ways that are able to blow open the doors of our present understanding of how He works. When Jesus came on the scene, those who were the religious leaders of the day did not recognize Him, despite all of the prophecies. Why? Because they did not expect Him to behave a certain way. God reveals Himself to us daily in a multitude of ways! The question might be: Do we have eyes to see and ears to hear ALL of the ways He chooses to do this? To God be the glory forever and ever!

We speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.  However, as it is written:

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him--BUT GOD HAS REVEALED IT TO US BY HIS SPIRIT. The spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 1 Cor. 2:7-10

...but there is a God in Heaven who reveals mysteries. Daniel 2:28a

My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one deceives you with fine-sounding arguments. Col. 2:2-4

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ. And you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over EVERY power and authority. Col. 2:8

But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all Thy works. Psalm 73:28

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert (the place I entered when Jacob died) and speak tenderly to her.  Hosea 2:14

What is life after death like?

Several years ago, Michael and I (Jacob's parents) took turns with other parents teaching Jacob's Sunday school class. One Sunday we were talking about Heaven and all the wonders that lie ahead for us after death. Michael asked the kids (who were in early middle school) to draw what they thought Heaven would be like and how they might look. Then, they were to provide a brief description of what they had drawn. Each boy tried to imagine the best scenario possible.

As we walked around the room to see what the boys were drawing, we noticed that most of them were depicting themselves with their "earthly" bodies--arms, legs, faces. In addition, many depicted themselves with special powers or abilities, like being able to fly or as star athletes. Clearly, there was a common theme to the pictures--that of superheroes--except for Jacob's.

Jacob's picture was rather unique. He had no "earthly" body. In fact, his drawing looked like a ball of some sort. Michael and I wondered what he was up to and why his picture was so different from all the others.

Later, as each boy shared his picture, we were surprised when Jacob said he thought and hoped he would be like "an unpoppable floating bubble." He wanted to be able to go anywhere at any time and see all kinds of places and things. A bubble? Really? We all got a kind-hearted laugh out of that. Jacob knew his idea was very different, but he wasn't ashamed of it.

Given that experience, I find it interesting that, while I certainly believe we will have bodies in Heaven, I have read a great deal about how we each have a unique energy or energy field within us.  And when we die, that energy does not just stop. It continues. The most efficient form for energy to take is that of a sphere. Or perhaps we could say... a bubble.

I recently read a person's account of her experience entering what she considered to be a dimension or representation of the afterlife:

"I could hear him from far away telling me he loved me but what I felt was a love so strong, so pure... so beautiful, you couldn’t compare “human” love to it. All of the sudden, I was in the middle of a “universe” coming from an intense golden light. I shut my eyes but could still feel everything. This light was so powerful yet so soft. I was a “bubble”, a cell. I was alone in the middle of this golden universe and I was bathing in absolute love... It was an absolute blissful feeling. Every cell in my body and in my heart were filled with love. I felt deeply loved and I didn’t wish for anything else as this felt like what I had been waiting for. This absolute love, unconditional, without restrictions and obligations was taking me away, taking my soul, my heart… I cannot describe it with words!"

How ironic that this person used the word "bubble" to describe her existence in the afterlife. I've heard and read other people's accounts of seeing/sensing the spirit of a loved one in the form of a bubble or a ball of light, with a specific color.

One person told me he had experienced such a thing multiple times. The light was always a reddish color and he began to sense it was his grandmother. After his son died tragically, he had a similar experience, except that time there were two "bubbles" of light--the reddish one he had grown familiar with and a new one... of a completely different color. He wondered if this other color represented his son somehow. I want to mention that the person who saw these things is a Christian with traditional, conservative beliefs. A solid and sound individual with great standing in his community. He felt comfortable sharing his account with my husband and me because of our own outside-of-the-box experiences after Jacob's death.

As a Christian, I believe it is important to always have people around who can help hold us accountable. When something we experience does not seem to coincide with our belief system, we ought to share these accounts openly with other Christians we know to be sound, committed followers of Christ. They can help us evaluate what has happened. At the same time, we must remain open to new ideas and the multitude of creative ways that God chooses to touch us and bless us. If every "new" idea or experience is dismissed as evil or heretical, we just might miss out on some of the greatest moments of our lives, when God comes extraordinarily near in a unique way.

A sign or just a little coincidence?

Last night, Michael, Raleigh (Jacob's dad and sister) and I were gathered in the kitchen preparing dinner. We were chatting about our plans to spend Christmas together in the city where Raleigh is attending college, the same city and college where Jacob was living and attending at the time of his accident. Our daughter's job schedule has made it almost impossible to get home, so we are doing Christmas at her place.

At one point, Raleigh asked, "I wonder if Jacob would be there?" By that she meant, if Jacob had not died, would he be willing to spend Christmas at her place rather than at home? We determined he would. While Jacob loved the tradition of gathering at home and attending our church's Christmas Eve service, it was more important to him to be with family for the holiday. He would have sacrificed being at home in order to be with his sister on Christmas.

That's when Raleigh glanced over at the counter and noticed a ladybug. It is mid December and the temps have been dropping down into the 30s at night. A bit chilly for a ladybug. For those of you who know of our numerous experiences with ladybugs, you know how fitting the presence of a ladybug was,given the fact that we were talking about Jacob and his desire to be with family for Christmas. I had to smile.

A few minutes ago I was looking at facebook postings when I noticed that a young woman who knew Jacob had posted a video of the song, "Christmas In Heaven." She commented how it made her miss her friends and family who are in Heaven. I clicked "Play."

Something caught my eye as the "Christmas In Heaven" video played and the song was being sung. It was a ladybug! Probably the same one we saw yesterday. Even so, it was funny to me that at no time between the conversation last night and watching that video this afternoon did I see that ladybug. I even spent most of my morning and early afternoon in the kitchen. Hmm...

Given our history with ladybugs and Jacob moments (scroll down to read more of those timely experiences), I can't help but wonder if God or Jacob was letting us know Jacob would be near this Christmas, just as he has in the past. We will see.

Maybe just a coincidence... or maybe not. I'm asking God for eyes to see and ears to hear all that He is doing.

Some Things Are Hard To Explain

While on a trip to California recently, Michael and I thought a lot about Jacob, because he loved California. At one point, we believe he let us know he was with us. He used, or perhaps God used, a familiar method to get our attention. Despite being familiar, it wasn't at all normal or even really explainable. You will see...

One morning, before getting on the road for a full day of meetings, Michael sent some emails to friends and family letting them know the status of the J9 Academy in Kenya. The J9 Academy is a private school being built in Kenya by The J9 Foundation. It is a school that will provide a full Kenyan curriculum but will have a special emphasis on business concepts and skills as well. The school is the result of Jacob's dream to help others live life to the full and doing so through business.

When he was done sending the emails, Michael packed up his iPad by closing the Smart Lid (which turns the computer OFF) and placing it inside his leather portfolio that was then zipped up. It sat there for a couple of minutes. We were about to leave our hotel room when we heard music start to play quite loudly. It took only a few seconds before we recognized the song. It was The Scientist by Coldplay, a song that has begun playing at some very special moments in unique ways. It was also the song we had hoped Coldplay would perform at their concert because of its very special meaning for us.

While we knew what song was playing, we had no idea where the music was coming from. We were dumbfounded. Then, we realized it was coming from Michael's iPad... that was closed... and was zipped up inside his portfolio... and was sitting on top of some things... and had not been touched for minutes. The odd thing is that with the Smart Pad still completely closed, the iPad should have been off and WAS off.

The last thing Michael had done on his iPad was send those emails. He does not have his iTunes on his iPad. He does, however, have a video of The Scientist on there. Even so, he had not played that video in months. To get to that video, he would have had to touch five separate icons or "buttons." He hadn't touched a thing. He just flipped his Smart Cover closed after sending email, just as he always does when he is done using his iPad.

The funny thing is that the night before, we were sharing with one of Michael's colleagues how we have numerous stories of unexplainable things that have happened since Jacob's death... and not just to us. Friends and complete strangers have contacted us to let us know of the ways they were touched by Jacob, some being beyond our comprehension. They have come in the form of dreams and visions primarily, but they've also come as strange and complex occurrences.

We believe God allows the veil between Heaven and Earth to part, just briefly, at special moments. He reveals a part of Himself and a part of Heaven in ways we never imagined. He assures us of Jacob's life that continues and remains connected to us. We are grateful and thank God for his goodness.

Longing for Dreams

On the days leading up to the anniversary, I (Jacob's  mom) kept hoping and praying for a dream with Jacob. They are usually very comforting, and it is wonderful to "see" Jacob. Between thinking about him constantly and looking at hundreds of pictures of him, a dream with Jacob seemed likely. But one didn't come... or at least I didn't remember any.

Two nights later, he did show up... in two of my dreams! While I remembered them both upon waking, in a matter of minutes, I couldn't bring the details of one of them back to mind. What I do remember is that it was a good dream, nothing sad or upsetting.

The one dream I could remember involved walking down a street with Michael and Raleigh. It felt like a street from the neighborhood where I grew up as a child. I turned around and saw Jacob running toward us. He appeared to be about 10-12 years old, but he seemed to get older--maybe the age of 14-16, as the dream progressed.

Just as he was about to reach us, he dove down on the ground like he was sliding into home plate. He managed to spin around on his stomach a few times too. In my motherly mindset, I was thinking (as he was diving onto the ground) "He doesn't have another shirt on under that sweatshirt. He's really going to hurt his tummy on that road!"

Jacob quickly jumped up. His humor came through when he said, "Oops! I forgot I didn't have anything on underneath this sweatshirt." At that moment, he held up his sweatshirt to show us his stomach, just as he did in real life the last day he was home. On that day, he lifted up his shirt and said, "Mom, look! I got a nice tan on my stomach out at the beach today."

Back to the dream... Jacob's light-hearted comment after realizing he didn't have anything underneath his sweatshirt to keep his stomach from getting scraped was simply, "That's not good!" Then he laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing. When I looked at his stomach, there were no scrapes or marks at all.

As Jacob began walking with us down the road, he said, "The reason I ran so fast to catch up with you is because I want to be with you." That was the end of the dream. At first, it seemed like nothing special, but when I thought more about his last comment, I couldn't help but wonder if it was a message of sorts to let us know he was near. Maybe he likes being with us. I don't know what that looks like or how it could happen, but I fully believe it is possible.

A Wedding and A Concert 9/24/11

Our family made it through another anniversary. There are a handful of days throughout the year that are exceptionally hard to get through when a child (or any loved one) has died--their birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc., but the anniversary is probably the most difficult. Moment by moment, hour by hour, flashbacks of that day fill the mind. Energy is either spent pushing those memories out or allowing them in and doing the difficult work of processing more of the pain. Usually it is a mixture of both.

This year, we faced a bit of a milestone as we reached the 5-year mark. For whatever reason, 5-year increments seem to hold a special place for remembrances. The 5, 10, 15-year anniversaries of a significant event are recognized and seem to be a marker in our journeys more than, say... the 8-year anniversary.

I can't help but think some "divine appointments" were scheduled on September 24, to help us through this milestone. For Jacob's sister, Raleigh, a sweet friend set 9/24/11 as her wedding day. Raleigh viewed her friend's wedding as a redemption of sorts. It turned a day that is filled with sadness and pain into a day of dancing and celebration. From a heavenly perspective, that seems remarkably appropriate. Maybe God nudged the bride and groom in some special way to choose September 24 as their wedding day. Blessings to the adorable couple, Lindsay and Gavin. May their love for one another grow richer and deeper with each passing year.

For us, Jacob's parents, the divine appointment was a concert by the band Coldplay. They were the headlining performers at the Music Midtown event in Atlanta. As noted in a story below, Coldplay was a favorite band of Jacob's for years, and he introduced us to their music as well. After Jacob's death, the lyrics and melodies of Coldplay's songs were especially moving and meaningful. For years, we hoped to see the band in concert. As it turned out, they were scheduled to play in Atlanta... and not just Atlanta, but only a block from the apartment where we are staying part time. The truly divine touch was that it was being held on September 24, 2011.

Adding to the "divinely appointed" nature of the concert is this: Music Midtown was an annual event in Atlanta from 1994 to 2005. In 2006, the year Jacob died, there was no Music Midtown event, and it continued that way until this year. How wonderful that it would return on such a special day for us and with the headliner being a band Jacob loved!

If we could have chosen only two songs for the band to play on September 24, 2011,  they would have been The Scientist and Fix You. Both songs were performed that evening. In fact, Chris Martin, the lead singer of Coldplay, personalized The Scientist a bit when he started the song by singing, "Come up to Georgia, tell you I'm sorry," rather than "Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry."

Just when the music slowed and got very quiet, just when it seemed the song was over, Chris Martin asked the audience to join him in singing a little more of the song. Maybe it's typical of him to do that in concert, but it felt very special to us, almost like a personal invitation to meditate on these particular words of the song. We all sang, "Nobody said it was easy... Oh, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy... No one ever said it would be so hard... Oh, let's go back to the start." You can see a video of this if you click on the video link located in the right sidebar. Just excuse the one cuss word Chris uses as he describes what he thought of the moment.

No words could do justice in explaining what those moments were like for us. In a hopeful attempt... surreal and transcendent. It was as if Jacob were there experiencing those moments with us. What we wouldn't give to go back to the start, to change what happened so it didn't have to be so hard and we wouldn't have to be apart. It seemed we were speaking those words directly to him. Or maybe he was speaking them to us through the crowd. Either way, the scene was powerful and meaningful, almost beyond belief.

The only other Coldplay song Chris Martin personalized during the concert was Fix You. Well, he actually preceded the song Fix You with his rendition of Georgia On My Mind, but it flowed right into Fix You. He set it up as if to say, "Georgia, this one (FIX YOU) is for you." You can see how that played out as well by clicking the proper link under the video list in the sidebar to the right.

Two weeks before the concert, I sent an email to a person who works alongside Coldplay and asks the band personal questions from fans. He posts answers to some of the questions on their website under the heading "Oracle." In my email I explained our situation, and the concert's significance to us. I also mentioned that The Scientist and Fix You were two of the songs that meant the most. I have no way of knowing if that info ever got to the band, but I'd like to think so.

Thank you, God! Thank you, Jacob, if you played a part in this. Thank you, Lindsay and Gavin. Thank you, Coldplay and the crew that organized Music Midtown. Thank you to the "Oracle" if our story was relayed to the band. We made it through a difficult day. But not only made it through... we danced!

A message to Jacob from Mom Sept 24, 2011

Jacob, on this day, 5 years ago, I was awake and getting ready for church. You had been out late the night before. Since we had not discussed whether you would join us at church that morning, I didn't know if you had set your alarm to get up the way you normally would.

You would normally wake up at 8:30 a.m. on Sunday mornings. While standing in my bathroom putting on make-up that morning, I was hoping that just maybe you'd be coming out of your room to jump in the shower. I could always hear your door because of the funny squeaking sound it would make upon opening.

I began rationalizing that as much as I would love for you to join us at church, we never told you it was required.  In fact, when you left for college, we told you it was completely your choice as to whether or not you even went to church. We had raised you going to church, but more importantly, we raised you with an understanding of how much God loves you, as well as all that he had done for you and was going to do. Attending church was an important and wonderful opportunity to come together with others who shared our faith, to sing songs of worship, read Scripture and hear messages, hopefully inspired by God.  But we knew you needed to decide for yourself whether you found value in all of that. You needed to determine in your own mind and heart the role God would play in the rest of your life.

You had already shown a personal desire to go to church while you were in college when you began attending a worship service held near your college campus.  Even so, we never said you MUST attend church with us when you were back home for a weekend visit. I began trying to comfort myself with thoughts that it would be okay if you slept in. After all, you had been out late. As a child growing up, you never complained about going to church. So, as an adult, if you were tired and decided that you needed the sleep in order to study well that evening for your upcoming test, I was going to have to be okay with that. Deep down inside, however, I was thinking how sweet it would be to have you with us at church that morning.

At 8:35 a.m., I heard the old, familiar squeak of your door. My heart jumped with joy. I smiled and looked in the mirror and said to you, but more to myself, "You are such a great son!"  You would have been great in my eyes even if you had chosen to sleep in, but the fact that you still set your alarm to go to church with us that morning touched my heart. I hope I told you so.

At church, we gathered in the formal sanctuary because a special event was being held in the building where we normally gathered.  It was nice being in the sanctuary. Our family had attended church in there for years before moving over to the Thorpe building for the contemporary service. Another nice aspect of gathering in the sanctuary was the way it reminded me of all the Easter and Christmas services our family had attended there over the years. Good memories. Then we sang "Give Us Clean Hands." I looked over at you and smiled like I always did when we sang the words, "O God let us be a generation that seeks your face, O God of Jacob." You gave me that beautiful smile of yours in return, and my heart melted the way only a mother's heart could melt as a result of seeing her child's smile.

Upon returning home, I asked if you'd be willing to take the dogs out.  You jumped at the chance. You had once told us that you missed Cammie, our golden retriever, more than you missed us because you couldn't talk to her over the phone. You gladly took Nikki, whom you also loved, and Cammie outside. You even threw tennis balls over the house for Cammie. You were the only one who would do that for her, and she loved it! Glancing out the window, I noticed her enthusiasm as she chased around the house from the backyard to the front yard and back again.

A little while later, I looked out the window and saw you there by yourself for a moment. I gasped as I remembered how much I wanted a few minutes alone with you to talk about some things I had read the week before. With books in hand, I ran out the door to the back porch and asked if you'd sit with me for awhile. You said, "Sure!" without any hesitation. We sat down together in the Adirondack chairs in the shade of the tall magnolia tree.

During our time out there, we talked about girls and the importance of a man pursuing a woman with respect and confidence. I assured you that a woman, for the  most part, liked for a man to pursue her. It made her feel special. We also spoke of our walk with God, in light of the message that morning and the reading I had done. Then, we spoke of Heaven. A.J. Donohue was still heavy on our hearts since he had entered Heaven the day before due to cancer. I found a passage in one of my books about the white stone referenced in Revelation that would have our unique name on it. That name would only be known by us and God, and it would reveal to us exactly who we are in God's eyes. That stone will be given to us when we enter Heaven. You were in awe of that. You even said something like, "That's so cool, Mom!" We knew A.J. already had his stone and knew his name.

At one point I glanced up at you and noticed you were sweating. You reached up and wiped your brow, which caused me to say, "Oh, Jacob, I'm sorry to keep you out here this long when it's so warm out." In return, you reassured me, "No, Mom, it's okay. I'm enjoying this."  Talk about making my day! You had just spoken words that meant the world to me. You had just told me that you enjoyed being with me... even while talking about girls, faith and our future in Heaven. Doesn't get much sweeter than that for a mother.

I love you my son. Jacob, you are forever in my heart and soul. You are a gift from God. If it were up to me, I never would have let you cross that veil to be with Him so soon, but that's not my choice. Today, I ask you and God to cross that veil and be very near. Let us know of your love in a way that will not be missed. Until we are together again...

Connecting Through Music

Recently, Michael and I were in the car when we heard a commercial for an upcoming concert event in Atlanta. Then we heard that the band Coldplay would be performing. We were all ears. Coldplay is a favorite band of ours, in large part, because it was a favorite of Jacob's. For years, Michael and I have wanted to see Coldplay in concert. We even considered flying to Seattle to see them there. Learning that they were going to be in Atlanta was amazing.

More amazing was the fact that the event was being held at a park only a block away from the apartment we stay at in Atlanta!

Then we waited to hear the date of the concert, hoping it would work with our schedules. That's when we nearly had to pull off the road to pull ourselves together. Coldplay will be playing in Atlanta just a block down the road from us on SEPTEMBER 24 2011 which is the fifth anniversary of Jacob's death. The timing was unreal.

As we laughed and talked about how fantastic it was that we would finally have a chance to hear and see Coldplay live the song The Scientist began playing on the radio. We lost it again. How could THAT song start playing at THAT moment? Jacob was near. We could sense it. And he was probably enjoying a good laugh. Talk about communing with the saints! We were doing it at that moment!

The following morning I came to this website to light a candle. I began typing my message to Jacob letting him know that we got it. We knew Coldplay was playing on his anniversary and it was no coincidence either. Just as I began typing my message the song The Scientist began playing on a new Pandora station I had just created that morning based on the band Over the Rhine. Tears filled my eyes as I laughed and told Jacob aloud that I knew he was around and active.

Jacob loved the band Coldplay. As a result, Michael and I (Jacob's Mom and Dad) grew to love it as well. Their music became very special to us after Jacob's death. I recall sitting on our back porch not long after the accident and listening to Coldplay on my iPod amazed by the lyrics and how they spoke to me. The stories of feeling direct connections to Jacob through Coldplay's music are numerous. A few of them have been written about here at this website. The songs The Scientist ~ See You Soon ~ Fix You and Trouble have been especially meaningful. Those were all songs that had already been released prior to Jacob's death. They were songs that he loved.

In 2008 Coldplay released their first CD since Jacob's death and it was titled Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends. The title alone spoke to us but the songs were powerful and somewhat eerie in that they seemed to focus so much on the meaning of life and death. These were obviously things we were dealing with ourselves in a significant way since September 2006.

October 2011 their newest CD Mylo Xyloto will be released. On what day? The 24th of course! The first single release from the CD is the song Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall. Don't we know! My favorite line in that song: "...and Heaven is in sight." Amen! Bring it on.

A Birthday Wish Come True

Our daughter recently celebrated her 21st birthday. Obviously it was a very special day for her. With her birthday just a day away, I asked God to please allow her to have a beautiful "Jacob moment." That didn't have to happen during her waking time.  In fact, I specifically asked for God to send Jacob to her in a dream. I had a little conversation in my head with Jacob as well, telling him that his sister joined us as we celebrated his 21st birthday with his friends in Athens, so it would be nice for him to be near his sister in a special way on her 21st birthday.

The morning after her birthday, Jacob's sister woke up and shared with me that she had a dream with Jacob that was the most vivid yet. She was able to sit and talk with him. During that conversation, he told her things about Heaven that she found to be exciting and amazing. When she first woke up from the dream, the first thought in her head was, "Wow! That was incredible!" However, just a short time later, she could not remember a single detail about Heaven that he had shared with her. Even so, it was comforting and exciting for her that she got to see her brother on the night of her 21st birthday.

We talked about her dream a little more. Then I shared that a few years ago I had a dream where Jacob told me something very specific about Heaven. I was surprised (in a good way) by what he shared. When I awoke, I could not remember what it was that he told me just that what he said was good. My daughter and I agreed that perhaps we have been told things we are not meant to recall specifically, but in our spirits we still have this knowledge. These experiences have left us even more excited about Heaven.

Christmas Eve Presence (Presents)

As we were gathered in the living room opening presents on Christmas Eve 2010, our golden retriever got up and left the room. This alone is highly unusual because she loves to be right in the middle of us. She wants to be wherever we are. She walked down the hallway into a bedroom that was completely dark (also very unlike her). Our golden is not a barker, unless she sees a cat, squirrel or a person outside the window that she doesn't know. Those barks can sound rather fierce and threatening too. While standing in the dark bedroom, she began barking short, clear barks, nothing harsh or growly.

With our curiosity piqued, we all got up and went to the bedroom to see what she was doing. Our daughter noticed that our dog was facing the corner of the room as she barked. That is the same corner where we have a small table. On top of that table sits Jacob's backpack. It is the backpack that was in the trunk of his car at the time of his accident. To this day, it holds the dirty clothing from his weekend visit at home and other personal belongings. We've chosen to leave his backpack intact for the most part. Only a few very special personal items have been removed.

Our dog turned around, left the room and ran down the hallway and back with her tail wagging. She was obviously very excited about something. She began jumping up and down and spinning in circles which is a clear sign that she is happy. We have no idea what she saw or sensed that had her so worked up and happy, but we sure couldn't help but wonder if Jacob was near. He LOVED Christmas Eve night! Being gathered together opening presents was his favorite time.

Two years earlier, it was on Christmas Eve that someone saw Jacob with us as we walked into the service at church. I've shared that story elsewhere here on this website.

A Birthday Visit?

This year, on the fourth anniversary of Jacob's death, we had a brick placed at the Jacksonville Zoo, not far from the jaguar exhibit. Jacob was born in Jacksonville and loved the zoo. He had been going there since he was a toddler. He was fond of jaguars because of the football team that came to Jacksonville during the years we lived there.

On Michael's (Jacob's dad's) birthday, we visited the zoo to see the brick for the first time. We decided to get a picture taken of the three of us while we were there at the brick. The picture turned out to be a sweet surprise and blessing. We recognize that sunlight, camera lenses and angles can come together in such a way that images can appear in pictures that were not seen with the human eye. We cannot help but wonder, however, if there was more going on than merely a lens/light/angle issue. You decide for yourself. If God and Jacob were involved, the timing was nice - Michael's birthday and our first visit to the brick.

The Grouchy Ladybug

Since September 24, 2006, we've had a number of experiences involving ladybugs that seem to have a connection to Jacob. Why ladybugs? What would the connection be to Jacob?  When Jacob was in kindergarten, he played the lead role of his class play, The Grouchy Ladybug. He was dressed in a ladybug costume. Just 6 months before Jacob died, we were clearing out our attic as part of our spring cleaning. We went through the boxes that were filled with memorabilia from over the years, and we found that ladybug costume. Jacob laughed to see it again and to be reminded of his very important starring role. As Jacob grew older, we would occasionally refer to his role in The Grouchy Ladybug with fondness, so it was a special treat to come across that costume. God would know of the special connection between Jacob and ladybugs.

In April of 2008, I (Jacob's mom) attended a concert by a musician whose music had become very important to us (Jacob's parents) in our healing process after Jacob's death. One song in particular comforted us in an extraordinary way. The artist is Sara Groves and the song is It's Going To Be Alright.  Sara sang that song at this particular concert. Later when I spoke with her, she mentioned that she rarely performs It's Going To Be Alright, but for some reason she decided to sing it that night. At one point during her performance, I saw something drop down by the piano keys as Sara was playing. I was curious and began to wonder what that might be. When the song was over, Sara made a point of telling the audience that right in the middle of the song, a ladybug landed on her hand.  I was stunned at first but had to laugh because it was so like God to "drop" a little hint from Heaven like that. The weather outside that evening was cold and snowy--hardly ladybug weather. Perhaps I should mention that my father joined Jacob in Heaven the day before this concert.

When Jacob's sister was a freshman in college, her dorm room was "infested" by ladybugs. She lived in a highrise building with hundreds of rooms. Her dorm was right next to the one Jacob was staying in at the time of his death. Not one other room in the building had ladybugs. Hmmm... Jacob once told his sister that he would help her out when she came to the university as a freshman. He was going to help her move into her dorm room, just as she had helped him move into his. He was going to watch out for her and introduce her to lots of people. 

Of course, he never got the chance to do that since he died only weeks after moving into his dorm his freshman year. I tend to think those ladybugs were God's way of letting Raleigh know her brother was still near and watching out for her.

We went on a trip to Michigan the summer of 2010 to attend the wedding of the first cousin on my husband's side of the family to get married. We were missing Jacob terribly. This cousin was the first born and Jacob was the second. They were a year apart and got along just great. We were delighted for our niece, but even in the midst of the joy, we felt some pain over not ever being able to see Jacob reach this wonderful milestone of getting married.  One day during our time together with family, several of us were riding bikes together around an island, just as we had five summers earlier with Jacob along. We also stopped along the lakefront to cool off as we did on that trip five years earlier.  As we sat along the shore and I was thinking of how much I wished Jacob could be with us, a ladybug landed on my hand. I burst out laughing and tears filled my eyes. I snapped a few pictures and thanked God for letting me know that Jacob was near.

Recently, Jacob's sister was doing her first open-water dive as part of the certification process for SCUBA diving. Her instructor was the exact same person who trained Jacob 9 years earlier. A real blessing to us was how well the instructor remembered Jacob. He recalled details of his time with Jacob with complete accuracy, just as we had remembered them. It's always a sweet blessing when someone remembers Jacob so well. Michael (Jacob's dad) and I waited along the shore as our daughter was in the water with her instructor. As we stood there together, missing Jacob and wishing he could be there to see his sister diving in the same lake where he had done his first dive, a ladybug landed on my husband. I was so excited! It felt like God was letting us know one more time that Jacob was near. When our daughter came out of the water, she saw for herself that ladybugs were around us.  :0)

June 24, 2010 - 3yrs, 9mos - A Dark Day, But God Was There.

This was one of the hardest days I (Jacob's mom) have had in quite awhile.  Being the 24th, it marked another month since Jacob's death.  How could it possibly be 45 months since I last saw my son alive and laughing?

The day was also difficult because it marked the last time I was able to enter the home where Jacob spent the last 7 1/2 years of his life.  It was the last chance for me to sit in his room and remember the many times Michael and I prayed with him as we tucked him in bed as a little boy and the way we would have heart to heart conversations in there as he entered his pre-teen and teenage years.  It was the last chance for me to look around the room where Jacob last slept before entering Heaven. 

I walked the entire house remembering so many wonderful moments. But I also remembered the indescribable pain of receiving the news of Jacob's accident and then returning home after seeing him in the hospital with no life left in him.  How do you say goodbye to all of that? I cried and asked God the same questions I've asked for nearly 4 years.  The questions that have no good answers on this side of the veil. Other than to know this is all part of a Great Story of which God is the Author.

After the visit to the house, my heart and mind were assaulted by thoughts of fear, pain and sadness.  It was as though every difficult moment I've had over the past 5 years or so came rushing back into my memory. I literally felt tormented and wondered if I were going to lose my mind right then and there.  Every positive thought I tried to push into my mind was instantly kicked out by fear or memories of heartache I had experienced. And I was alone. My husband was out of the country and my daughter was at work.

Even as I crawled into bed at night my mind continued to flow with negative thoughts and painful memories. My body was trembling and it took me a long time to fall asleep.

Those are usually the kind of days when I ask, "Where are you, God?" Thos are the days when it feels like God is nowhere to be found. 

But this day was different.

I started the morning by meeting up with some friends for a time of prayer.  I knew it was going to be wise to start the day that way, given what lay ahead, but I also wanted to reconnect with these women.  We do this special time of prayer during the summer months, and I had yet to make it to one of them.  Seeing these other women was important to me.

We had a wonderful time of prayer followed by personal conversation. During our conversation, one friend mentioned that just the weekend before, she heard a woman speak of the vision she had of Jacob three days after he died.  She saw Jacob as a young child, and he spoke to her saying, "Tell my mom I'm okay, and I'm learning a new dance and I'm dancing with Jesus."  The weekend of Jacob's death, he had told my husband and me for the first time that he liked to dance.  It came as a complete surprise to us.  Therefore, the words spoken in the vision were extremely meaningful to us. 

This friend in the prayer group said she was reminded of what a powerful thing that vision was and must have been for me.  It brought a smile to my face to know that the woman who had the vision still speaks of how special it is to her.  I needed to hear that.  God knew, and I believe He made that moment happen to help me get through a difficult day.

Afterward, another friend from the prayer group and I went to a local coffee shop.  As we stood in line to place our order, a dear friend I hadn't seen in far too long walked in and wrapped her arms around me with an audible expression of happiness.  As I looked into her eyes, I couldn't help but remember the incredible support she offered me in those early days/weeks/months after Jacob's death.  It lifted my spirits to see her.  God knew I would be blessed and encouraged by seeing her, so I believe He orchestrated that moment as well.

Then, when my friend and I were finally seated and enjoying our coffee and latte, she asked me about the friend who had walked in. I began explaining to her who the other woman was.  Then it hit me.  She was another person who had had a supernatural experience within a week or two of Jacob's death.  She had woken up thinking her child was in her bedroom, but instead saw a human form at the side of her bed that was pure light.  It was approximately 6 feet tall.  She never felt fear, only peace and warmth.  The figure began dancing slowly before her and eventually faded away.  Once again, I believe God was at work reminding me of how many people were touched in extraordinary ways after Jacob's death.  Even when nothing seems to make sense and we are in deep pain, God is right there working miracles in our presence, revealing His glory.

Minutes later, my friend mentioned another extraordinary moment she remembered hearing about that involved Jacob.  It was the experience of an Episcopal priest who had his first "vision" ever and it was of Jacob.  He looked fabulous and communicated telephathically that he was having the "time of his life in Heaven!" This friend was also left with a strong impression that Jacob had very specific work to do in Heaven.  In the vision, Jacob had just completed that work and was dashing off in the direction of the beach as though he were going to go have some fun on the beach where he spent so much time during his life here with us.

I believe God sprinkled those very sweet reminders of His goodness into a day that for me was going to be one of the hardest in a long time.  He knew I'd need help so I wouldn't completely give up.  But to be honest, it would have been very easy to overlook those moments in favor of the dark and heavy thoughts that invaded my mind throughout the day.  Yet I kept turning back to those reminders and thanking God for His goodness.  I wasn't "feeling it" per se, but I spoke the words, "I love you!  Thank you!" to God.

When I awoke this morning, June 25, it was like the dark cloud was lifted.  I had little sleep but felt energized.  I should have been exhausted, but I went running and felt fabulous, running my longest stretch since starting my training to run a 5K. (Which is a big deal for me since I've not been much of a runner most of my life.)  I don't think I passed a "test" or anything like that, but I do think God delights in our faith, even when we want to throw in the towel because we are having a miserable day.  I think He wants us to remember the ways He has been good to us in the past and to trust Him to do even greater things in the future.

A Mother's Day Gift from Heaven?

For Mother's Day, my niece sent me an adorable key chain with a turtle on it. She knew how Jacob loved turtles, especially when he was younger. His passion for turtles was known by many in our community, especially the year he won his school's oratorical contest after giving a speech on sea turtles. One year, while he was in elementary school, we bought him a huge stuffed animal at SeaWorld. It was a loggerhead sea turtle that Jacob creatively named Logger. He literally used Logger as his pillow until the day he died. He didn't take it off to college with him, but it was still on his bed at home, so his last night on this earth, he slept in his bed with his head on that "pillow."

Jacob's Logger

Two Different Times On One Phone

One day recently, in the month of February, 2010, I picked up my cell phone while it was charging. The screen on my phone looks different as it is charging. Rather than the colorful scene I normally have, it changes to a black and white screen with only the time showing on it.  The time looks like those older clock radios where the number flips down as each minute passes. Hope you can imagine what I'm describing.

When I picked up the phone, the minute was literally stuck in the middle of a flip.  The hour was 7, but the minute part was stuck at :07 with it about to flip to :08.  I had to do a double take.  Then, when I unplugged the charger, it switched over to my normal, colorful screen which also contains the current time.  It read 7:13.  How does a cell phone "clock" get stuck in mid flip?  And how does one cell phone show two different times within a split second? Not just one minute apart, but 6 minutes apart?  Perhaps that 7:07 was a little wink from Heaven.  Check the story about "Another Friend With You In Heaven" and you will understand the significance of 7:07 in relation to Jacob. 

None of these stories I share are experiences that I am looking for; they merely happen and I take note.  Most of them I could never have come up with on my own.  My prayer each and every day is for God to give me eyes to see and ears to hear, so that I don't miss a single thing He has for me.  Maybe He just helps me notice these things.  That's how much He loves me and you.  When something like this happens, I give God the praise and glory for it.  With each little "surprise" I experience God's love more fully.  It's as though God has just left a little flower or a love note for me.  He adores that I know it is from Him.

Funny Little Things

On January 26, 2010, I was out running an errand. It was a cold day for south Georgia, so I had the heat turned up to 72 degrees in my vehicle. Afterward, I parked my car at the house, locked the door and went inside.  A few hours later, I was about to go visit with two friends who have also lost a child.  Both of their children knew Jacob.  As I got into the vehicle and started it up, the air was blowing out of the vents really hard. I looked at the temperature right away, and it was turned down as far as possible.  The temperature setting remains the same even after turning the car off, so I would have had to physically move the temperature setting. I can assure you I had not done that, and no one else had been in the car.  Funny thing is that one other time I was with these two moms, we had a strong sense our kids were having fun with us.  Scroll down and read the story titled "The Case of the Missing Keys" and you'll see what I mean.

That night, I set my alarm for 6am.  At one point during the night, my phone lit up and woke me up.  My husband was already awake but lying in bed.  He too had noticed the light and rolled over to see what it was.  I figured the alarm was going off, but I couldn't hear any music.  That's when I noticed the time on the phone was 4:44.  No text msg or phone call was coming in to cause the light to turn on. The phone wasn't being charged, so an electrical surge didn't cause it to light up.  There was no explanation for why it lit up randomly at 4:44.  My husband and I just laughed.  Our family motto since Jacob's death is, "We are still a family of four and always will be."  Maybe God (or Jacob) decided to wake me up at that moment to remind me that we really are a family of four.

Over the next three days, things continued to happen that were hard to believe.  We were running into people in the oddest ways and connecting with people who we should have had no reason to connect with.  But all these people had something to do with projects we are working on in relation to Jacob.  All we could do was figure Heaven was orchestrating some amazing moments here on earth.  Michael and I shook our heads and laughed while giving God thanks for His mercy and love.

Another Friend With You In Heaven

On December 31, 2009, Jacob's friend from middle and high school, Michael Warren, joined him in Heaven.  Michael was on his way back to UGA on Hwy 15, just as Jacob was back on Sept. 24, 2006.  He was only a few miles past the site of Jacob's accident when a truck crossed the center line and hit him head on. We cry out to you, God.  Please comfort Michael's family!

The picture here shows Matt, Jacob's friend who was in the accident with him back in 2006, Michael and Jacob.  These three guys were in a Bible study together all 4 years of high school.  The name given to these Bible study groups in our community is "707."  That has even more meaning to us now.  The one young man from the group who is still with us said Jacob and Michael have reached completion.  They are the 7's - the number of completion.  He considers himself the 0 because he still has work to do here, but one day, he too will be a 7. Who ever knew that the name of their Bible study would hold such meaning?

A Birth Date On A Birthday

Under the "Legacy" tab you can read about the sweet little gift of Jacob's birth date on a special friend's birthday, just as we arrived at church.

Does He Get To Be Near Us?

Anyone who has lost a loved one has probably experienced a moment when it seemed as though that person was right there next to them.  Maybe it was through a certain scent, a song or other special memory trigger.  Our family has had several of those moments, and most of them are documented somewhere here on this website. I saw in a vision and felt my son, Jacob, kiss me on the first Mother's Day after his death, my husband felt Jacob running with him on a particularly bad morning and our daughter felt him squeeze her hand on Thanksgiving one year. Does he really get to be near?

Two years ago on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, we had a profound sense of Jacob's presence.  There is no way to really explain this to someone who has never had this experience.  It is not an odd or scary thing at all. In fact, it's very peaceful and enjoyable. That particular Christmas, because we had felt him with us for a prolonged period of time, we also sensed when he was gone. While a sadness swept over me that he was "gone," the lasting impression was one of gratitude and joy.

Last year, we were not the only ones who sensed Jacob was near.  Someone actually SAW HIM! Christmas 2008 was our first Christmas at home since Jacob's death.  We went to the Christmas Eve service as usual, but attended a new church.  We couldn't stand the thought of being in our regular church on Christmas Eve without Jacob. When we walked in to this other church, someone who knew our family saw Jacob walk in with us. She wrote the experience down.  Here are snippets of that writing titled, "Jacob IS with you!

"As your family walked in... I got a glimpse of Jacob - just for a second (not really even seeing your family). I said to myself - JACOB - then realized the reality of it."  She went on to write, "I got such a peaceful sensation throughout my body, as I was told, ' Jacob is here with them'. I am sure that Michael had his arm around his son during that service."

Who can explain this? How can this happen? So many people have come to us with things they have experienced involving Jacob, that it is more than coincidence.  We don't know how to explain it other than to say the veil is VERY thin, and GOD allows these things to happen to bring all of us comfort and reassure us of what lies ahead. Thank you, God!

November Weekend Retreat For Moms

In mid-November, a group of my friends from the community where I live got together for a weekend retreat.  One thing these particular friends of mine and I have in common is that we have all lost a child.  When you get a group of us together, some funny things can happen. This particular weekend was no exception.

When we arrived that first night, it was already dark.  When we stepped out onto the ocean-front balcony, the stars lit up the sky like magic.  The moment I first looked up, I saw a shooting star!  One of the other moms had seen it too. Jacob loved shooting stars. He shared with me shortly before he died that he took them as signs from God.

Within a span of less than an hour, two strange things happened on my cell phone.  First, my phone randomly called another one of the mom's cell phones.  I didn't have my phone on me at the time, and the other mom never heard her phone ring.  Looking at my phone, however, it was clear that a call was sent from my phone to this other mom. 

Next, my phone received a text message from a different moms' phone who was there.  The text message simply said this:  nvvgn.  Just before I picked up my phone and saw the text message, we were talking about this mother's daughter who had died of cancer only 5 months earlier. We talked about how hard it is at times to believe they are really gone.  Looking at that text, I couldn't help but think it was a shortened way of writing "never gone" or "never ever gone."  In other words, our children are never really gone.  They're always in our hearts, in our minds & just across the veil.

The next day, all but one of the moms went to sit out at the pool and relax.  The other mom went for a long walk on the beach by herself.  After awhile, one of the moms at the pool and I decided to go for a walk on the beach as well.  We walked a long way and randomly decided to turn back.  We were on no schedule, so weren't trying to get back for anything in particular.  Just as we crossed over the bridge from the beach to the pool area, we saw a turtle right at the base of the steps.  Imagine that!  A turtle. Couldn't help but wonder if God and Jacob had sent me a little gift from Heaven.

When we got back to the pool area, the mom who had gone for the long walk explained how she had been having a long conversation with God as she walked the beach.  She so badly wanted a little sign from God that would remind her of her daughter, but she kept pushing that idea out of her mind.  She knew that if God wanted to send her a sign, He would do it on His own terms. As she made her way down the beach, her eye caught a glimpse of something.  When she bent down to get a closer look, a little gift from Heaven, her daughter and the sea awaited her.  It was a rather large shark's tooth.  As her daughters were growing up, her family spent a lot of time at the beach.  Her daughter who had died especially loved looking for shark's teeth. What a perfect gift for a grieving mother!

A Visit To The Cross

In early October, Jacob's cousin, Belle, and her husband stopped at Jacob's cross on their way from Wisconsin to visit us. They stopped in Athens, GA first to spend some time with Raleigh, Jacob's sister, and to see the town where Raleigh lives and Jacob once lived while attending the University of Georgia.

Belle and Mike added their own special touch to the cross. A picture of four turtles, with one turtle above the other three. The picture caused Belle to think of our family of four.  The one turtle above the others represented Jacob, who has gone ahead of us to Heaven.  A beautiful representation of our family, indeed, especially considering Jacob's love for turtles.

Shortly after leaving the cross, Belle and Mike noticed some beautiful clouds that had formed in the sky.  They couldn't help but think they looked like angel's wings, perhaps a gift from God and Jacob.

Away From The Son

In mid-September, we received a memory stick that contained a message Jacob left on our answering machine during his first weeks away at college. When I listened to the recorded message back in August of 2006, I said to Michael (Jacob's dad), "This may sound silly, but I don't want to erase that message. If anything ever happened to Jacob, I would want to have a recording of his voice." Little did I know what would transpire in a matter of weeks.

We never listened to that message again until the third anniversary of Jacob's death, September 24, 2009. When I inserted the memory stick into Michael's new laptop, something popped up on the screen. I have no idea why it did.  The screen contained information about a CD. No music was stored on the memory stick, only recordings of Jacob's message.  Since Michael's computer was new, and from work, it had no music files on it, or at least not that CD. Why this screen or this particular CD? 

The strange thing is that the CD was by one of Jacob's favorite bands during his early high school years. The name of the band is Three Doors Down. The name of the CD comes from one of the songs, Away From The Sun. Raleigh has commented before that the lyrics seem to suggest "Away From The Son (Jesus)."  If you listen to the song or read the lyrics, you just might agree with her.

As I looked over the list of songs, I was taken aback by the titles. These are the songs:  When I'm Gone, Away From The Sun (Son?), Ticket To Heaven, Running Out Of Days, Here Without You, I Feel You, Dangerous Game, Changes, Going Down In Flames, Sarah Yellin' and This Time. Many of those titles could fit situations surrounding Jacob's Death. Just a coincidence, or were God & Jacob up to something here? Perhaps I'm reading way too much into this, but there still is no clear explanation as to why this came up on the screen when I inserted the memory stick with the recording of Jacob's message. Interesting!

The song, Away From The Sun, played a role in another strange moment over two years ago.  Michael, Raleigh and I were in a store with home theater displays.  We sat down in one of the theaters where a movie was playing.  It was just the three of us.  The movie stopped playing right in the middle of a scene, and a video of a live concert came up on the screen.  It was Three Doors Down, and they were singing Away From The Son.  No one was manning the video projector.  No one else entered the theater throughout the entire song, despite the fact that the store was very busy that day. Once the song ended, we walked away laughing, but completely stunned at what had happened.

A Rainbow Guiding Our Way

On the morning of September 24, 2009, Michael and I (Jacob's Dad & Mom) got on the road to Athens, Georgia to be with our daughter on the third anniversary of Jacob's death.  We knew we had a tough road ahead of us. We were going to be driving the road on which Jacob was killed, since we wanted to stop at the site of the accident. A beautiful cross is there, placed by a very special friend who felt called to remember Jacob and bless our family in that way. The hospital where Jacob was taken is on that road as well. Throw in all the emotions of the day, and you have a recipe for a lot of tears, pain and difficult memories. The weight of the day was fully upon us, and it was overwhelming.

Only a few miles from our home, before we were even out of town, a beautiful rainbow filled the gorgeous, blue sky that was scattered with a few clouds. The rainbow seemed out of place, but those few clouds sprinkled just enough rain to form this elaborate rainbow. The right side of the rainbow literally came to an end in the road ahead of us. We could see it! 

We felt as if God was saying, "I am with you, Jacob is with you, and we are guiding the way for you on this difficult day."  Michael and I both kicked off our shoes and laughed.  We were standing on holy ground, and God was displaying His goodness and glory right in front of us.  How good of Him to do that so early in the morning on a day He knew would be difficult for us. 

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! WHAT AN AWESOME GOD!

Rescuing a Sea Turtle

During the days leading up to the 3rd anniversary of Jacob's death, Michael and I went to Amelia Island along the northeast coast of Florida and stayed at a condo a dear friend made available for us. As we walked the beach one day, we came across a stranded sea turtle. 

At first, we thought the turtle was dead, but as we got closer, it lifted its head and looked right at us. We were at a loss for what to do.  There weren't a lot of people around, and the few that walked by didn't bother to see if the turtle was OK.  It was too heavy for us to move it, and it clearly was in distress and too weak to move.  I squatted down and began talking to the turtle through my tears. Again, it slowly lifted its head and looked right at me, as if to say, "Help me.  I am too tired to move." There was a visible gash on the turtle's head, but it did not look like a fresh wound, but we were not sure.

Thinking it was on the verge of death, I began crying out to God, begging Him to take this turtle quickly rather than allowing it to suffer.  The LAST thing we wanted to see was a sea turtle suffer and die, just as we were heading into the anniversary of Jacob's death. Please, no more death, and especially not the creature our son loved so much!!!!  I stroked the turtle's front flipper and spoke gently to it.  It looked at me with the sweetest eyes, and it lifted its head and held it up for a longer time. There seemed to be more strength in it, and I felt more hope. Right then, Michael and I sensed Jacob just on the other side of the veil saying, "Come on, Mom & Dad!  Help me watch over God's turtles!"

For the first anniversary of Jacob's death, Michael & I purchased a brick at the Sea Turtle Center on a neighboring island.  The brick says, "Jacob J Nyenhuis Watching Over God's Turtles." We had this incredible sense that Jacob really wanted us to work with him to help this turtle.

Another couple walked up and began asking questions about the turtle.  The husband, Michael and I all began scooting the turtle closer to the water, because it was becoming more active, even moving its flippers. We eventually got it in the water and it swam off.  We watched it for a long time, and saw it pop its head up a couple of times, almost as if it was shouting back a "Thank you!" as it breathed the air. 

We continued to scan the beach for a long time, but no more sea turtle.  If it had been too weak to swim, it would have washed ashore quickly, as the tide was coming in.  Over the next two days we walked or ran the beach for a long way in either direction and never saw the turtle again.  We considered it a successful rescue mission, and perhaps God allowed us to perform it along with Jacob, who was just across the veil.

Four Yellow S2000s and Beth Moore

At the end of August, I visited with family in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area.  Several family members, a couple friends and I went to a Beth Moore Living Proof Live event in Green Bay, which is a 2+ hour drive from Milwaukee. 

Beth is the author of numerous Christian books and Bible studies.  In fact, I was in the midst of doing the Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Daniel when Jacob was killed.

That study focuses on integrity and prophecy, and it turned out to be extremely prophetic in it's own right. At one point, the study had us record a recent dream that was significant and left a lasting impression on us.  I had just experienced a dream that very week.  In the dream, my two children were being hurt, but one was being hurt to a point of grave danger.  My children in the dream were turtles, but I knew they were Jacob and Raleigh, even in the dream. 

On the day Jacob was killed, I had answered a question in the study about how my loyalty to God could possibly be destroyed.  I specifically wrote "the death of a child" as one of the ways this could happen IF I had not already resolved to trust God and remain loyal in my faith.

On the way to the conference, but still in the Milwaukee area, I spotted a yellow S2000 headed in the opposite direction on the interstate.  I smiled when I saw it because that was the kind of car Jacob was driving.  He loved that car!  His S2000 was a silver/grey color, but he always said he wanted to get a yellow one someday. 

About a half hour or so down the road, a yellow S2000 passed us.  I was stunned to see another one so soon.  I noticed it had a Wisconsin license plate.  Maybe 45 mins later, ANOTHER yellow S2000 passed us, but this one had a Florida license plate!  Just as we were getting off the expressway to head into Green Bay, a FOURTH S2000 crossed right in front of us.  These were FOUR different S2000s!  Anyone who loves S2000s can tell you it is unusual to see even a couple of yellow S2000s in the same day.  I'm always keeping an eye out for S2000s and I might see 4 yellow ones in a matter of months.

To have FOUR yellow S2000s cross our path in a matter of two hours was way beyond coincidence.  Our group took it as a clear sign from Heaven that Jacob was somehow with us at that conference.

It just so happens I was driving with Zech's mom when all of this happened.  Zech died on May 18, 2009.  Just like Jacob, Zech was 18 when he died in a car accident.  Zech's mom and I had never met until that day we drove to Green Bay together, but we knew our sons had already met in Heaven.  (See story below about the visit across the veil.)

During the opening session of the conference, Zech's mom, Tanya, was praying to God, asking Him if Zech was there at the conference with us.  No sooner than she asked that question, the word "Yes" appeared on the screen in front of us.  She leaned over and told me what had just happened.  We both screamed and laughed.

A little while later, Tanya randomly asked me what Jacob was studying at college.  I replied, "Real estate development."  Minutes later, Beth said, "Ladies, there is real estate in Heaven!  We aren't going to a ghost town!"  Tanya and I burst out laughing again.

Two moms with broken hearts were laughing out of pure joy, knowing our boys were so near.  We stood together praising God.  We were determined to dance in the rain, even in the midst of the greatest storm our lives had ever known--the death of a child.

A Special Anniversary Gift - Again ~ August 2009

Michael and I, Jacob's parents, decided to visit Jacob's spot at the cemetery on the first two anniversaries we celebrated after Jacob died. We were marking our 24th and 25th wedding anniversaries.  Both times, we spotted four deer gathered next to the spot where Jacob's ashes are kept.  We have never seen deer at the cemetery on any other visits, and we've been there numerous times. 

The first year this happened, Michael and I were in awe. We had made it very clear at Jacob's memorial service that we still considered ourselves to be a "family of four" even though Jacob was in Heaven. To be in the presence of a family of four deer (two adult, two young) on our anniversary was a gift from Heaven for sure.  We thanked God for the very personal and perfect display of His love for us.  When it happened the second year, we were overjoyed and even more certain that God was reminding us that we still are a family of four.

As our 26th wedding anniversary approached, we knew we would not have a chance to see four deer at the cemetery again, because we wouldn't be home.  We were taking our daughter, Raleigh, back to college and planning to continue on to the mountains to mark our 26th anniversary this year.  We were a little sad that we wouldn't have the chance to visit the cemetery, but more than anything, we were grateful for the sweet gifts from God the previous two years.

On our anniversary, we enjoyed a wonderful day of sightseeing and visiting waterfalls. We never talked that day about wanting to see deer.  I'm not sure it even entered my mind. We were content with all that God had already done. In what seemed to be God's desire to express His love and compassion, however, He sent a family of four deer our way the very next morning.  They walked right by the cabin - an older male and female and a younger male and female.  Michael and I took off our shoes because we knew we were standing on holy ground.

We didn't see the four deer again until an hour or so before we left the cabin on our last day. It felt like they came to say goodbye.  Once again, a sweet anniversary present from Heaven. To God be the glory! He is so good!

A Visit From Across the Veil ~ June 2009

On the night of June 8th, my niece's 10-year-old daughter was having a dream about an upcoming school field trip when she awoke. She saw a large oval of light in front of her in her bedroom. In that light was Zech, an 18-year-old boy.  Zech attended the same church as myniece's family, and had died three weeks earlier from injuries he sustained in a car accident. 

Zech began talking to my niece's 10-year-old daughter and asked if she would tell his parents something. "Tell them I'm sorry for not wearing my seat belt. Tell them that I miss them dearly but we will see each other again. Tell Ben and Rachel (Zech's younger brother and sister) that I love them and want them to know that we can hug each other again when they get to Heaven. Tell my mom & dad I love them & we can have another dinner together in Heaven. Thank you. Could you tell my parents these things?"

Then my niece's daughter noticed a chair within the light.  A person was sitting in the chair but got  up and walked toward Zech.  When she looked closely at the person, she realized it was Jacob, our son.  Jacob took hold of Zech's hand and said, "Let's go." They turned and walked away.  As they did that, the light began to move away and fade.

My niece was amazed her daughter had such a vivid experience. Her daughter knows without a doubt that she was awake.  As my niece told me the story, I believed it was possible for the experience to be real. She asked me whether or not to share the story with Zech's parents, and my response was yes. I mentioned that it would be very interesting to see if there was anything in Zech's message that would be especially meaningful and comforting to the family.  My niece wrote out what had happened and sent it to the family, hoping that it would not upset them.

A day or two later, Zech's mom wrote back.  She explained how she had been to the cemetery that Monday evening and became very emotional.  She was sad and angry and started asking Zech why he wasn't wearing his seat belt.  She wanted to know why he never made it home for dinner, especially when she had prepared his favorite meal.  She told Zech that his younger brother and sister needed him.  That same night is when my niece's daughter had the visit from Zech and Jacob.  Zech's mother never told anyone about crying and scolding her son at the cemetery that evening.  She was astounded to hear the words Zech spoke in this vision or visit.  They were the perfect responses to her questions at the cemetery.  She knew the experience my niece's daughter had was real. 

God decided to use a 10-year-old girl to deliver a message of love and compassion to a mother who was hurting.  His mercies are so tender.  His love is so real and so perfect.  God is good!  ZJG8E4

Mother's Day 2009

A few people have wondered if we had any special "Jacob" moments this Mother's Day, so I thought I'd share a little about the day.  We started out by going to church and enjoyed a wonderful service. The key word in today's message was "linger." We were encouraged to linger with God rather than rush around in the busyness of our lives, partly because it is in the lingering that relationships are deepened. It was an interesting choice for a word because it is the same word we have used to describe what Jacob did before he left our house on the day of his accident, despite the fact that he was running late. Jacob seemed to linger.  It confused us on that day, but maybe it was a little clearer after today's message.  Perhaps God was nudging Jacob to linger a bit so we could experience one more moment together. Thank you, God, if that was so.

A few times during the service, emotions swept over me, and I couldn't hold back the tears.  Michael felt the same thing happen. I've referred to it as a Holy Spirit cry. God touches us in the deepest parts of our soul and we have no choice but to weep.  This does not happen very often, so when it does, there is no denying that it is special.

We enjoyed a great meal at one of my favorite restaurants, the same restaurant where several of us shared a meal with Jacob two days after his graduation from high school. We had forgotten that just outside the restaurant is a man-made pond area where several turtles reside. Turtles. A sweet reminder of Jacob.  It was nice to walk along the dock overlooking the water and remember the fun times we had together as a family on our jet-skis.

Our next stop was the beach, but we had to go home to get changed into our swimsuits and pack a cooler.  While I was getting the drinks together, I heard a noise and saw one of our dogs go to an area of the living room and begin sniffing around. A picture had fallen and the dog was sniffing the area around the picture.  It was a picture of the beautiful sunrise from the morning of Jacob's memorial service. In the matting around the picture, a relative of ours had printed "God Is Real"  "Heaven Is Real" and "Jacob Is Alive!"  Maybe God wanted us to remember that.  Maybe Jacob wanted us to remember that, especially on Mother's Day, a day when I ached over not having my son with me.

Our time at the beach was peaceful and relaxing. We stopped at Christ Church cemetery to visit Jacob's spot. I was surprised to find the peace lily I had put there over a week earlier still looking strong and healthy.  We haven't had rain in weeks and the heat has fully arrived.  Without water, those lilies usually begin to wilt rather quickly. We stood there telling funny Jacob stories for awhile. The laughter was healthy and good. But part of me wanted to fall on the ground and wail. What a horrible substitute for having your son wrap his arms around you in a hug and tell you he loves you--visiting his ashes at a cemetery. I knew I couldn't focus on that thought for my own good and the good of my family. 

We ended the evening with homemade pizzas and a game of Chicken Leg, two things our family always enjoyed together.

Was It Just A Coincidence?

I was recently being interviewed during a video shoot. The date was April 4, 2009.  As a result of writing extensively about the experience of losing a child and the grief that comes with it, I've been invited by various people to write columns or to be a guest on radio shows to discuss these topics.  My decision was to write exclusively for a website that is being produced by two women who have extensive backgrounds in medical news reporting. They both are from the community in which I grew up, and one happens to be a very close friend from high school.

During my interview, we heard a loud crash.  A picture had fallen off the wall in the home where we were doing the taping. It hit a tile floor and the glass shattered.  We were all rather shocked, considering that everyone in the house had to remain quiet and still during the shoot.  No one was near the picture to cause it to move or vibrate. We resumed the interview minutes later.

When we were done, I went to see what had happened. Part of me could not help but wonder if something were going on in another realm.  I laughed as I wondered if Jacob could be involved somehow.

The picture that fell was a drawing done by the son of the couple who owned the home. He was a little boy when he drew it. The fact that it was their son's picture caught my attention since I had lost my son, but it was a picture of a clown.  I couldn't think of any connection Jacob would have to a clown.  We had a clown in our home at one of his birthday parties when he was little, but that seemed unimportant. 

Since I was speaking of Jacob's death and the grieving process when the picture fell, I still wondered if something more was going on. A couple of people wondered if it was a form of spiritual warfare trying to distract us from the good we were doing by giving people hope in the midst of despair.  The glass shattering was a bit destructive, but considering that no one was hurt and the picture wasn't damaged, I didn't feel a strong sense of warfare. But maybe it was. I tried to dismiss it.

Three days later, I found myself lying awake in the early hours of the morning. I have learned from past experience that when this happens, God is trying to speak to me or He wants me to pray specifically for someone or something.  I prayed for awhile then remained quiet. The clown picture wasn't on my mind until two startling things were revealed.

First, it hit me that the day of the video shoot was the one year anniversary of my father's death. I have no idea how I let that day slip by me unaware, but I did. Was my dad nearby that day? My dad wasn't around much as I was growing up, but my husband suggested he might want me to know that he's around now, in ways he never was before. My dad loved to write, and he encouraged me in my writing.  Maybe he wanted me to know he was there and that he was aware I was writing again. Can people who have died be near like that? Given the multiple accounts shared by mature and grounded Christians, it seems so. My dad was quite a clown, always doing goofy things and telling jokes, but it seemed a stretch to connect that to the clown picture.

The second revelation was more significant. My friend from high school was the person who was interviewing me during the video shoot. When Jacob was born, that same friend sent a gift for him.  The gift? It was a CLOWN sitting in a drum. The clown and drum were actually a music box.  When it was wound up, the music played and the clown slowly danced around. That clown remained on a dresser in Jacob's room until he was 8 years old. The spring before Jacob died, I found the clown music box while going through some things in the attic. I showed it to Jacob and reminded him it was a gift from my friend.  He remembered it very well, even that its left porcelain hand had broken.  We recognized the tune instantly after winding it up and letting it play.

Was there a connection between my dad, the anniversary of his death, my writing, the clown picture, the clown music box my friend sent for Jacob and the interview between my friend and me?  Who knows?  But what an amazing coincidence that all of those things would come together at that same moment.

Snowfall and Snafus in the South

Early March, 2009, my husband and I went to visit our daughter on the beautiful campus of The University of Georgia in Athens. It was a Sunday morning and our daughter was excited to take us to church with her.  She had found a church she loved right near campus and couldn't wait for us to experience a worship service with her.

At the hotel before church, my husband and I had just finished breakfast and were headed back to the room. As I pushed the button to the elevator, I felt a strange electrical sort of vibration in my hand and arm. The lights flickered, then the hotel completely lost power. In moments, the generator kicked in and the lights came back on, but the elevator remained inoperable nearly an hour later as we checked out of the hotel.

The church service was wonderful!  As we left the auditorium and looked out the windows, we were amazed to see snow starting to fall!!! In Athens, Georgia, snow like that had not fallen in 30 years or more.

By the time we were done with lunch and my husband & I were ready to leave campus, quite a bit of snow had already accumulated on the ground. We stopped at a gas station just outside of town. When I pushed the button on the hand dryer in the restroom of the gas station, the lights flickered and the power went out for a few moments.  I walked out feeling kind of guilty. People at the register were busy talking about the brief loss of power, including a woman who was very concerned about the gas pump shutting off.

What was happening?  Why did the power go out twice the very moment I touched an electronic device? I was completely perplexed.

As we made our way down the road, traffic came to a standstill.  We couldn't see the cause, but it was obvious it was going to be awhile before things started moving on that two-lane road, so we turned around and opted to take the road on which Jacob was killed.  We have avoided that road but decided it was worth traveling on that day. 

The accident site is only 30 minutes from campus, so I wondered if the snow would still be falling when we got there. Would snow be on the cross that was placed there in memory of Jacob? Sure enough, there was.  The cross looked beautiful with the snow.  I hadn't seen it for months, so to see it with the snow was nice.  We stopped, got out and took pictures of it.  I wondered if Jacob could see how pretty that spot looked, despite the horrible event that took place there.

Five minutes down the road from the cross, I looked up from the book I was reading.  Much to my surprise, there was no snow on the ground anymore.  We were driving through sleet and rain.  I thanked God for allowing the snow to fall as far south as the cross.  It felt like He had given us a very personal, loving and beautiful gift that day--a day filled with unusual but exhilarating moments.

 The Case of the Missing Keys!

In late February, 2009, two of my friends and I went to a weekend beach retreat for moms who have lost a child. Before leaving, we gathered at my house. The luggage was in the van, but my friends wanted a tour of our house since my husband and I had moved only a few weeks earlier. I stood on the porch and used my remote key to lock the van. After showing the house, I couldn't find my keys. We searched everywhere for nearly 20 minutes, but to no avail.  It made no sense. We laughed at one point, saying our kids knew we were going away and they were playing a trick on us.

Jacob knew my friends' children that had died, so it wasn't far fetched to think they might be together in Heaven.  Them playing a trick on us was a bit of a stretch, but given the things we have experienced and the stories that have been told, not completely outside the realm of possibility.

We grabbed my 2nd set of keys and took off.  On our way back home, one of the other moms was driving my van. We stopped at a gas station, and she held the keys up saying, "See, I have the keys!"  In the convenience store of the gas station, we were amazed to find several items that reminded us very much of our kids. As we headed out the door to leave, my friend who had the keys couldn't find them. I thought she was joking at first, but she was serious.  We looked everywhere in the small store, including the bathroom.  In a last attempt, my friend went back into the bathroom. She found them there at the very bottom of a metal trash can that was 2/3 full of paper towels. 

How did those keys get all the way to the bottom when the trash can was so full and no one else had gone into the bathroom after her?

How did she not hear them hit the bottom of the trash can, especially since it was metal?

I had this overwhelming sense that our kids REALLY were messing with us!  In fact, I was certain they were telling us where my keys were back at my house.  I called my husband and left a message for him to look at the bottom of our trash can.  I knew it sounded strange, but I was quite sure he'd find them.  Sure enough!  He called back a few mins later and said that's exactly where they were!

How did they get there?  Why didn't I hear them when they went in?  My key chain is pretty bulky and would have made some sort of noise.

We can't say for sure what actually happened with the keys, but we were pretty sure our kids were involved.

Rainbows & Men in White

A very dear friend of mine, who is a mature and grounded Christian,  recently shared a story of an experience that took place in her home shortly after Christmas. She had faced the tragic & heartbreaking death of her 24-year-old nephew only a few weeks earlier.  Her brother, who is the father of the nephew who died, and the rest of his family were staying in my friend's home for a holiday visit.  My friend's 7-year-old daughter came downstairs to the kitchen and said very calmly, "Mom, who's that person in white upstairs?"  Because she was busy with company, my friend dismissed the comment for the moment, and her daughter walked away.  With further questioning a little later, it was determined that her daughter had seen a human form that was completely white, no facial features, no clothing, just pure white. The form was approx. 6 ft tall, which could be estimated because it was near a door.  My friend's daughter was not frightened by the figure at all.

Hearing her story brought back memories of something that happened to one of our friends a few weeks after Jacob died.  She woke up with a strong sense that one of her children was in the room.  Without opening her eyes, she asked, "What do you need, honey?" She felt a bump up against her bed. Again she asked, "Do you need something?" She felt pressure on her mattress as though someone had just taken their hand and pressed down on it.  At that point, she opened her eyes.  That is when she saw a human figure of white light, standing at her bedside near the foot of the bed.  She felt no fear. The figure was around six feet tall, in comparison to her bedpost.  This friend rubbed her eyes to be sure she wasn't just seeing things. She propped herself up on her elbows to watch this form. It slowly began moving its arms as if it were dancing. After a little while, it slowly faded and was gone. 

The following morning she called us and asked if she could come by the house and share what had happened.  Needless to say, Michael and I were amazed by what she experienced.  We both could not help but wonder if there was a Jacob connection.  Jacob was six feet tall, and he had just told us for the first time the weekend he was killed that he enjoyed dancing.  When our friend left our home, she went directly to meet with her pastor who affirmed her experience as a wonderful, supernatural encounter and a gift from God.

As I consider both of these experiences, I am struck by the similarities.  Both took place within weeks of the death of a young man.  They were human forms similar in size to the ones who died.  There was no fear associated with either encounter.  Both forms were bright white or light in appearance.  Neither one had any facial features or clothing. The difference is that one appeared to a woman in her 40's while the other appeared to a child.  Both people who experienced these had a connection to the ones who died, but were not an immediate family member.

The rainbow I mentioned in the title comes from a story I heard today from a woman who lost her 38-year-old son in June, 2008 to ALS.  Before he died, she was crying out to God, saying that she could not handle the death of her son. She was expressing to God that He needed to be with her or she'd never make it.  That is when a vivid rainbow began filling the room she was in, from one end to the other!  It remained about 3 minutes and faded.  For her, there was no doubt God had just assured her He was with her.  While she has clearly experienced tremendous grief in losing her son, what stands out far more is the joy and the peace she has, which only comes from God.

Links to News Articles About Jacob & The Accident

http://tinyurl.com/cp2no2

http://tinyurl.com/dm9q4e

http://tinyurl.com/b52d2n

This article has factual errors regarding the cause of the accident, but this is what was printed in the UGA campus paper:

http://tinyurl.com/dzt6xm

This one is a PDF file and you'll have to use the zoom button to read the letter on the left written by Jacob's father:

http://tinyurl.com/cjmx3x

A local newspaper, The Georgia Times-Union did a story on 2/22/09 about The J9 Foundation:

http://tinyurl.com/cc548j

http://tinyurl.com/lhow9b

Were We Hearing Things?

Michael and I were eating at a local restaurant (5 Guys) on 1/11/09, and I heard someone behind the counter yell, "Order 24!"  That caught my attention simply because it was the  number 24, the day Jacob died. Looking at our receipt, I saw that we had order #18. Since that was Jacob's age when he died, my thoughts were of him.  The sound system in the restaurant was playing music, but there was a break in the music and an announcer was speaking.  Clear as day, I heard the man say "J9."  I didn't catch anything else he said because it was hard to hear, but the "J9" was perfectly clear. 

Wondering if it was just my imagination playing tricks on me, I looked up at Michael, who was looking at me with wide eyes and a look on his face like, "Did you just hear what I just heard?" We both laughed and Michael said, "Why in the world did that guy just say J9?"  He also said he couldn't make out anything else the announcer was saying, but he had no problem hearing him say "J9."  For those who don't know, J9 is the nickname some of Jacob's friends called him, and Jacob decided to name his company J9 Development.  His foundation is The J9 Foundation. Don't know what that J9 stuff was all about, but it was a nice moment.

Time Stamp On A Blog

I just finished posting my latest blog.  The topic was about Jacob's birth and how I would tell him the story of his birth on each birthday.  Near the end, I explained how hard it was the first birthday without him and what was done to help with the pain.  Writing this brought back so much of the heartache, so tears were running down my face and I was literally sobbing as I thought about how much I missed Jacob.  When I finished, I hit the "Publish Blog" button.  Then I went to view the post.  I was stunned to see the time of the posting as 9:24pm.  I had posted it only seconds earlier and it was 1:13am.  My computer clock showed the current time.  When I went into the settings, it displayed the current time.  I had probably begun the blog around 12:30am.  How in the world did the date/time stamp end up as 9:24pm?  Jacob died on 9/24.  Do you think God was letting me know He and Jacob were here to comfort me?  Your guess is as good as mine.

Happy Birthday Raleigh!

December 30th is the birth date of Jacob's only sibling, Raleigh.  Recently, to celebrate Raleigh's 19th birthday, we went out to dinner with a few of her friends.  Jacob used to work at the restaurant at which she chose to have dinner.  A few of his friends still work there, so they stopped by the table and even sat with us for awhile and talked.  Such a sweet time!  I couldn't help but wonder if Jacob could see us all together and perhaps even be with us in some special way. As we left, we stopped and hugged Jacob's friends. 

Back at the house, we were about to sing happy birthday and have Raleigh blow out the candles on her cake.  I grabbed my phone to get a picture, and was taken aback to see Jacob's name on my recent calls list.  It was an outgoing call which didn't surprise me since I had called his cell number that afternoon.  What did surprise me was the time of the call.  It said 8:37pm.  We were still at dinner at that time.  I made no phone calls during dinner.  In fact, I had locked the keypad on my phone. When I grabbed the phone from my purse to take a picture, the keypad was still locked.  

Other calls had been made from my phone after I made that call to Jacob's phone in the afternoon.  All my other calls reflected the correct time that I had made them.  Why would the call to Jacob's phone be the only one with an incorrect time?  How in the world was a call placed to Jacob's phone at 8:37pm if the phone was in my purse with the keypad locked?  At 8:37pm, we would have been finishing up dinner and saying goodbye to Jacob's friends.  Was Jacob there?  Did he want us to know that?  I don't know, but I have no explanation that makes sense for that call to be on my phone--on his sister's birthday--just as we were with his friends--at the restaurant where he used to work. 

The next day, it occurred to me that I could always turn Jacob's phone on and see if it showed any incoming calls from the night before.  Sure enough!  It not only showed the call, but a "voicemail" was left.  When I listened to the voicemail, it was clear that the call was made just as we were saying goodbye to Jacob's friends.  While muffled, I could hear my daughter's voice say something about going back to the house, which is exactly what we did after dinner.

A similar thing happened on Michael's phone on the anniversary of Jacob's death.  It had never happened before and it still has never happened again, until this episode on MY phone on Raleigh's birthday.  You can find the story about that incident below, along with a picture of the phone screen that shows Jacob's name and the time of the call.

Grandma Nyenhuis' Famous Chocolate Ball Recipe - One of Jacob's favorite Christmas cookies.

1 1/2 cups butter

4 cups powdered sugar

6 oz. bitter chocolate (melted & cooled)

1 3/4 cup flour

2 tsp vanilla

1/4 tsp salt

Cream butter & powdered sugar. Add chocolate, flour, vanilla & salt. Roll into 1" balls. Bake 12 minutes at 250 degrees (yes, 250). Let cool. Sprinkle with powdered sugar. They'll melt in your mouth!

It Once Was Lost But Now It's Found!!!

The summer before Jacob left for college, our family computer crashed.  It held hundreds of family pictures and numerous documents.  Foolishly, I had not backed up what was on the computer, so there was a chance we had lost everything.  Despite being told the pictures were able to be saved, we never could find them anywhere on the computer, even with the assistance of the person who helped restore the computer.

Yesterday, Dec. 6, 2008, I began the task of uploading the DVD of Jacob's memorial service onto our computer.  After uploading it, I watched it all the way through.  The pain of those first days washed over me afresh.  Oddly enough, despite the pain, the connection with Jacob was extraordinary, as though he had come to comfort me.  There are times when Jacob so completely fills my mind and heart that it feels like he is present, and maybe he really is, but in a way I can't fully explain.

When I sat down to begin removing the clips from the DVD, I couldn't find it anywhere on my computer.  My husband said, "Just do a search," but nothing showed up. Then he suggested I do a search for anything ending with .jpg and maybe that would find those pictures we thought were lost.  Sure enough, there they were!!!!  My heart was racing as I began looking through what was there.  It was like finding a buried treasure!

Pictures from two father/son trips that Jacob and Michael had taken were in the treasure chest.  One was a trip to North Carolina in the S-2000. 

The other was a trip to California to visits friends and admire really nice sports cars.  From that trip to California, there were pictures of Jacob trying out a new skimboard at Laguna Beach.  Michael had just splurged on a new board as a surprise for Jacob and he was ecstatic.  At that moment, I was ecstatic to be looking at the pictures of him.  When I told Michael what I was looking at, he could hardly believe it, but why?

Michael just returned from California on Dec. 5th.  He had called me one evening as he was driving the Pacific Coast Hwy through Laguna Beach.  He was breaking down as he passed the spots where he and Jacob had been, so he needed to talk.  Just a few days later, pictures of that precious time they spent together were being discovered for the first time since Jacob's death.  Michael walked over to look at the pictures on the computer, but as soon as he did, a song by Coldplay, one of Jacob's all-time favorite bands, began to play on Pandora.   

Those events alone would have been serendipitous enough, but the song was "The Scientist."  If you've ever seen the video Coldplay does of that song, you know it depicts going back in time.  The reason for going back in time is to undo the death of someone from a car accident.  The link to the video is - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Kd7IGPyeg What we wouldn't give to be able to do that!!!!  How do you explain the timing of all those elements coming together at one moment? 

Jacob's presence filled the room in such a real way we began talking to him through tears, saying how much we love and miss him.  There was no doubt in our minds that God had orchestrated another spectacular moment where we were able to be with Jacob.  Only it didn't end there.

Having discovered this amazing treasure on our computer, I continued searching.  I found a video Jacob had taken on his camera.  The lighting was poor, but Jacob's voice could be heard.  The clip was only about 15 secs long, but hearing his voice was wonderful.  With my eyes closed, it felt like he was right there in the room with me.  Maybe he still was.

Another gem discovered were documents that had been on Jacob's laptop.  Our friend who fixed the family computer also removed Jacob's data from his laptop before sending it to Dell to have the screen fixed.  The screen broke in the accident, but the computer itself was fine.  That computer has an unbelievable story of its own.  The Dell repair bill was $421.88.  Jacob's birthday is 4/21/88.

As I searched the documents, I found a letter Jacob sent to Roy, a role model, mentor, friend, and a whiz at all things real estate.  Jacob had prepared and presented a million+ dollar proposal to Roy the summer before college.  Roy agreed to partner with Jacob, but on a project that was smaller in scale.  The letter I found was written after this agreement took place.  To read the content was to see yet another indication that Jacob had a sense his life wasn't going to last much longer.  I will cut and paste a piece of that letter:

"I know I am capable of doing this, I just need the opportunity. When I am driven to do something, I try as hard as possible to accomplish it. I want to accomplish as much as I can in the time God will allow me to be on this earth."

As God would have it, when Michael and I walked into church this morning, December 7th, the only seats we could find on the aisle were directly behind Roy and his wife.  I told Roy about finding Jacob's letter and the sentence about the time God would allow him to be on this earth.  Roy just shook his head and cried.  Roy knows our pain.  He and his wife lost their teenage son, Kelly, roughly 40 years ago.  He and his wife have a wonderful marriage and a full, rich life together, but the pain of losing their son is just below the surface~even now.

With all that happened in a 15-hour period, I can only say that God and Jacob were in the house!!!  What a wonderful visit it was!

A Thanksgiving Visit?                                         This year was the first time since Jacob's death that my husband, Raleigh & I celebrated Thanksgiving alone.  We agreed to set a fourth place in honor of Jacob. As we began to say the prayer before our meal, Raleigh placed her hand on the seat where Jacob would have been sitting.  It was her way of including him in our time together.  Along with giving thanks, I asked God to allow Jacob to be with us in a special way.  When we were done praying, Raleigh said she had felt a sensation like someone touching her hand. Did God allow Jacob to be here, to let his little sister know that he is still a part of her life and watching out for her?  Maybe, maybe not, but she felt comforted.

Mysterious Phone Call

On the morning of September 24, 2008, Michael and I (Jacob's parents) were driving to the University of Georgia to be with our daughter on the second anniversary of Jacob's death.  A little before 10, we stopped at a coffee shop for a short break.  Michael grabbed his iPhone that had been sitting on the center console and slid it into his pocket.  When we returned to the vehicle only a few minutes later, he took the phone out of his pocket to place it back on the console.  He decided to take a quick look at the "recent calls."  Much to his amazement, he saw this:  Jacob Nyenhuis 9:57 a.m.

Needless to say, we were shocked.  How could that be?  Michael simply placed the phone in his pocket, and he didn't touch it again until we were outside the coffee shop.  He hadn't even sat down.  We both stood while we waited for our order.

I knew exactly where Jacob's phone was back at the house, and it was turned off.  So what had happened?  People have shared stories of receiving phone calls from their loved ones after their passing.  These people report literally hearing the voice of the loved one accompanied by static.  Some amazing things have happened in the past on special dates, so was God allowing the veil to part once again?  Perhaps so.  Just like other times when amazing things have happened, we tried to explain this event away.

The rest of the story...

A while later, I decided to take a picture of the screen on Michael's phone that showed Jacob's call.  Since no one else had been around to witness what had happened, I wanted to have a little evidence.  That's when we discovered something that we had not noticed before.  After taking a picture of the screen that displayed "recent calls," I clicked on Jacob's name.  That's when it took me to a new screen.  For the first time, we realized that Jacob's call was listed as an outgoing call, not incoming. 

At first we were a bit disappointed.  But as we thought through it more, we still were very amazed.  In order for the call to have been made, Michael would have had to first tap on the "home" button.  Then, he would have had to tap on the "phonecalls" icon on the screen that contains a total of 16 icons.  Then he would have had to tap on "favorites."  Last, he would have had to tap on Jacob's name.  That's a total of four steps that would have required tapping the screen in very specific places.  The fact that those four random taps would lead to Jacob's number is astounding.  All Michael did was grab his phone and slide it into his pocket as we went into the coffee shop.  He never knowingly touched it again until we were back in the vehicle.  He had not even sat down. 

 How do you explain a phone call to Jacob's phone on the anniversary date?  It had never happened before, and it hasn't happened since.  Michael had never even called Jacob's cell from his iPhone, but the number was in his list of contacts under "favorites."  The odds that such a thing would happen are significant.  Explainable, but very unlikely.

Later, Michael and I considered the timing of the call.  Was their any significance to it?  As we thought about it, we realized that it was very possible that we had been singing the song, "Give Us Clean Hands" at that very moment two years earlier.  It was a time during the Sunday morning service when we typically are singing the opening praise and worship songs before the message is given.  That song is the one we used as the theme to Jacob's memorial service that says, "O God, let us be a generation that seeks Your face, O God of Jacob."  During that song on September 24, 2006, I glanced over at Jacob and smiled, as I normally did during that particular song, and he smiled back at me.  Perhaps this phone call was, in some strange way, a smile from Heaven.

Thank You For Remembering!

Thank you to all who visited this website on or around the anniversary of Jacob's death. Your words of love and encouragement were a blessing to our family during a difficult time. We are always thankful for messages left and candles lit because it lets us know that you have not forgotten Jacob, or you've gotten to know him for the first time.

Michael and I were recently in Africa to visit the project for young entrepreneurs that The J9 Foundation has begun.  We were reminded of God's amazing grace and redeeming power.  Jacob's dream is very much alive in the young people there.  As new people hear Jacob's story, they are excited about what the foundation has been able to do and will continue to do with God's help.

A Birthday Gift/Message from Heaven?

Is it possible that God would want to give us a special gift on our birthday?  We know the ones who love us and live here on earth like to do that, but is it irreverent or sacrilegious somehow to think God would want to do that for us? Or even more, that our loved ones who are now with God would ask Him to send us a special gift on our birthday?  Perhaps the thought is ludicrous--God doesn't work that way.  OR... Perhaps the thought is reasonable--God delights in giving us sweet gifts, and even more so if it involves the loving gesture of one who is with Him in Heaven.

September 17th was my birthday.  This was my second one without Jacob.  Once again I cherished the memory of his phone call to wish me a happy birthday in 2006, one week before he died.  I also reflected on the wonderful surprises that were revealed on my birthday last year that had a direct connection to Jacob. (See story titled "Turtles, Turtles, Everywhere" under the "His Legacy" tab above.)  I hoped something special would happen this year, but felt very guarded.  I didn't want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed.

More than anything, I wanted to start my day with a walk on the beach, but my husband had already showered and left for a haircut.  Making him take a walk on the beach would mean another shower before he went to the office that afternoon.  My decision was to forget about even suggesting it.  When he got home, the first thing he said was, "How would you like to take a walk on the beach this morning?"  I nearly screamed with excitement!!!

With a freshly brewed cup of coffee in my hand, we headed off to the beach.  As we walked, Michael spotted some dolphins.  Before we knew it, there were several of them.  They kept jumping up out of the water and splashing their tails, not just the normal rising up for air and back down.  I was delighted and felt like that display was a special gift on my birthday.  Michael and I knew we needed to keep moving since we didn't have a lot of time to spend out there.  We decided to turn around and head back up the beach.  The dolphins were moving in that direction too.  In fact, they seemed to move right along with us!  When it came time for us to leave the beach, we headed up toward the parking area.  We looked back to get one last look at the dolphins and saw that they had turned back around in the other direction.  They had been swimming at the same pace and direction we were walking until we left the beach.

While we were at the beach, I also pointed out to Michael that dozens and dozens of butterflies kept flying past us.  I love butterflies!  We are blessed to live right along the east coast migratory path for a variety of butterflies.  Their migration must have just begun.  The funny thing is, my friend was out walking that morning as well.  She walked for over an hour with another friend and never noticed one butterfly.  They walked right along the beach too.  Hmmm.  Maybe she just didn't notice, or maybe those butterflies were a birthday gift for me.  Jacob knows I love dolphins and butterflies.  I'm sure God does too.

At one point, as I was admiring both the dolphins and the butterflies and making a comment about it to Michael, a beautiful golden retriever came bounding up from behind me and crashed right into the waves.  I laughed and said, "The only thing that could have made this moment better was seeing a golden retriever!"  Oh, how I love goldens!

So, was it all just coincidence?  Was there nothing loving and special behind all of that?  Or was God sending His love to me on my birthday in the form of dancing dolphins, beautiful butterflies and a gorgeous golden retriever?  Or did Jacob ASK God to send those as a birthday gift to me from Heaven--and God delighted in delivering them?  As for me, I am going to choose the last one.  I hope your heart and mind are open enough to the vast nature of God's love to join me in that choice.

Staying Connected to Jacob

Sunday September 15, I (Jacob's Mom) had a dream.  This dream was very short and only involved one scene.  I was standing alone and feeling sad as I thought about my life, or at least how hard it has been to be without Jacob.  Then, my husband came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around me.  I didn't see him, but I "knew" it was him.  The comfort I experienced was tremendous, and I wondered if my husband had any idea how much his embrace meant to me. 

I woke up immediately after thinking this in my dream.  The amazing thing was that I continued to feel those arms around me.  I was lying on my stomach and could feel the pressure and sensation of arms wrapped around me from behind.  The greatest pressure was actually felt on my sides, as though someone were squeezing me gently.  If the pressure was coming from the sheet and blanket that covered me, my sides should have felt the least amount of pressure, considering that I was on my stomach.

After a few moments, I realized that the embrace I was experiencing was as much in the spiritual realm as it was in the physical.  Stranger things have happened.  My heart and mind sensed that it was Jacob.  I smiled.  Just to be sure it wasn't actually my husband hugging me, I looked over and saw him still asleep.  With my eyes closed again, I savored the hug for a few more seconds before it was gone.

Words from Jacob?

A friend of mine recently said she "heard" Jacob in a vision.  This vision took place on the evening of Friday, August 29, 2008.  The first thing he said was, "Tell my mom it is all right.  Everything is all right."  The woman who had the vision, had no idea that Jacob's sister, Raleigh, was in a car accident that exact same night.  Perhaps that is what Jacob was referring to with his words of comfort in her vision.  According to my friend, Jacob went on to say a few other things, including a reminder that life is short and that we would be together again in eternity.  He ended by saying, "I will see you soon."

In addition...

This story continues because of something that happened while I was in Africa at the beginning of October, 2008.

The day after Raleigh's accident, I felt my faith being shaken once again.  I actually said, "God, I don't know if I can trust You anymore."  I never imagined God would allow Raleigh to get in an accident.  Perhaps that is a silly notion, but I was certain He would protect her from any harm while in her car after all we went through in losing Jacob to a car accident.  Yes, Raleigh was protected.  She had no major injuries and was doing well despite the accident.  However, her car was totaled.  My gratitude for her well-being and safety should have been my primary response, but I focused instead on the fact that God even allowed it to happen at all.  My willingness to trust Him was in question.

What does all of this have to do with Africa?  During one of our bus rides, I was listening to my iPod.  The band Coldplay was my artist selection, so Coldplay songs began playing.  Jacob loved this band and would listen to their music a lot as he drove in the S2000.  My thoughts turned to him immediately as the music began to play.  When I looked down at the screen, it said, "I'll See You Soon."  Those were the same words Jacob spoke in the vision my friend had!!  I knew it was important for me to listen closely to the lyrics of the song.  I wondered if they would have a message for me that Jacob wanted me to hear.  The first words were, "So, you lost your trust, and you never should have."  Tears filled my eyes.  There may have been no connection whatsoever, but in my heart and mind, the message was loud and clear.  Jacob was reminding me not to lose trust in God.  Within a day of uttering those words back in August, I had asked God's forgiveness for ever saying them, but this felt like another reminder from Jacob to never lose trust in God.

Seeing Signs Around Town

Last week, I had to drop something off at an office across town  Along the way, I changed my mind twice at the very last moment as to which route I was going to take.  Both times, I made a quick turn and then thought to myself, "Why did you just change your mind like that?"  Eventually, I found myself at a stoplight, and noticed a building across the street.  It had a big sign, "Jacobs Glass."  Of course I thought of Jacob right away and smiled.  I also thought about how I had never seen that place before.

Then I noticed some words painted on one of the windows of the building.  One of the words was "mirrors."  My mind went to the verse in First Corinthians that says, "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  I thought about how wonderful it will be in Heaven to see Jesus face to face, and when I get to do that, I will also get to see Jacob face to face.

When I arrived at the office to which I was headed, my heart grew very heavy.  I realized that the last time I had been to that office, I had Jacob with me.  He even came inside and waited patiently as I spoke with someone at the counter.  I called out his name as I sat in the car before going in.  I told him how much my heart was hurting and how much I missed him.  After taking care of matters at the office, it took me a long time to pull out of the parking lot.  Traffic was very heavy.  Once I did get out on the road and approached the first intersection, I was stunned to pull up next to a truck that said, "Jacobs Glass."  I started laughing and said out loud, "OK, Jacob!  I get it!  You're here.  But what does the 'glass' have to do with anything?"  The answer came to me instantly!!!!  Not in an audible voice, but more telepathically, if that makes sense.  Eight months after Jacob died, I found that he had programmed into his phone a greeting that said, "The Glass Is Full!"  Jacob was reminding me that "The Glass Is Full!" is important.  Earlier that morning, I had seen a picture of somebody with a t-shirt that said, "The glass is half-full" and it made me think of Jacob's greeting on  his phone.  To be reminded of it again seemed like more than coincidence.

At the next stoplight, I heard inside my head, "Look over there at the back of that van."  I turned and noticed that there were all kinds of bumper stickers on the back end of the van.  The only one I looked at and had time to read said, "Behold, I am coming very soon!"  To be honest, I wasn't sure what to make of that, but if Jesus is coming soon, I say Hallelujah!

My next stop was Target.  I walked toward the store and noticed three young people walking across the parking lot.  One looked so much like Jacob that I could not help but stare at him.  I finally headed home and was pleasantly surprised to see a Honda S-2000 the exact same color as Jacob's pass by.  On the causeway, a truck passed me with a license plate I could not recognize as one of Georgia's.  The tag read "CAP J".  Since I frequently referred to Jacob simply as "J" it made me think of him.  It was an afternoon filled with Jacob, and it was great!

Have you read The Shack?

If you have not read this book yet, please do so soon.  It just might be the sweetest gift you could possibly give yourself.  The story is a work of fiction about a father who is dealing with tremendous grief after the tragic death of his young daughter and how God invites him to a place of beautiful healing.  If you have ever questioned how a loving God could allow pain and suffering, this book could possibly help answer that question and other difficult questions that we tend to ask about God.

Michael (Jacob's dad) had a hard time getting through the book.  At a number of places he had to put the book down because of the pain that arose as he read the words.  Near the end of chapter 11, he literally threw the book down and swore he would not read another word!  It is in this chapter that the grieving father is able to see his daughter in Heaven.  Michael could not stand it!  He has wanted nothing more than to see Jacob again.  He has wanted to see what Jacob is doing and to know for himself that Jacob is fully restored and living life to the full on the other side of the veil.

Several weeks later, Michael grudgingly picked up the book again.  He knew people would be asking him what he thought of it, and since a minimum of five people suggested to him that he should read it, he felt he could hardly get away with not doing so.  We were on vacation in the Georgia mountains at the time.  It was mid-August, 2008.  The day before, we had found a beautiful spot next to a waterfall, so Michael decided to return to that spot by himself early on the last morning of our vacation in order to finish reading the book.  Two rocks next to the waterfall formed the perfect seat close enough that water from the falls would occasionally splash on him.

When we first found the waterfall, I had mentioned to Michael that in Scripture God's voice is likened to the sound of rushing waters.  Standing near the waterfall, I could hear God speaking His love for our family and especially for Jacob.  Michael decided to return to that same place just in case God might speak to him as he read The Shack.  A few paragraphs into his reading, Michael knew that God had most definitely arranged a divine appointment with him that morning at the waterfall. 

How did he know? 

When he finally pushed himself to read through the scene where the father sees his daughter, he learned (for the first time) that the entire event was taking place at a waterfall in Heaven!!!!  Like Jacob, the daughter in the story loves waterfalls, so she is drawn to that place.  The father and daughter are aware of each other's presence, but neither one is able to cross the veil to the other one's side.  It is a beautiful encounter nonetheless that brings tremendous healing.  As Michael continued to read the rest of the book, he had a profound sense of Jacob's presence just behind the waterfall.  As drops of water teasingly splashed the pages of the book now and then, he felt as though Jacob was behind them, laughing.  He could hear God's voice in the rushing waters.

Later, as Michael walked among the rocks that lined the river, he felt Jacob's presence right there with him, just as he always had when we camped and hiked together as a family over the years.  Unlike the father in the story, he could not see his child, but he knew that Jacob was there.  And He knew that God is good.

The story continues...

On December 6, 2008 we discovered pictures on our computer for the first time since Jacob's death.  One of those pictures is powerfully connected to our personal story about The Shack.  You will see why...

This picture of Jacob was taken during a father/son trip to North Carolina in May, 2005, sixteen months before Jacob died.  Jacob is standing BEHIND BRIDAL VEIL FALLS!!!  Jacob is now just behind the veil that separates Heaven and Earth, and Michael sensed Jacob's presence just behind the waterfall as he read the book. Maybe it's all simply a nice coincidence, OR there is something much bigger going on than we can possibly understand just yet on this side of the veil.  God works in mysterious ways, and He is truly amazing!

A close-up of Jacob behind the falls:

Being In Love & Knowing Who We Really Are

Several months have passed since one of Jacob's friends called in tears.  She had been trying to reach us all morning to tell us of a dream she had.  Jacob was in this dream, and it was very vivid and powerful, and it meant so much to her.  As she explained this dream, it was obvious from her descriptions that this was a special gift from God.  In fact, it might have been an actual encounter of sorts with Jacob.  Just maybe the veil had been allowed to part for a time.  The details of her dream certainly indicate this.  She could feel the fabric of his shirt and the warmth of his hug.  She even had the ability to smell in this experience.  Rarely do dreams carry these sensory experiences.

While there are multiple aspects of this "dream" that blew us away, there are certain phrases she used to describe Jacob that stood out in my mind.  In every dream that people have shared with us, Jacob has looked fabulous.  But this dream revealed even more, or maybe the friend who had the dream just did a better job of describing how he looked. 

The first thing she said that was unique was how he carried himself with confidence and looked like "he knew who he was."  I loved that because it is so true of how we will likely look in Heaven.  The morning before Jacob died, he and I had a conversation about Heaven.  One point I made to him went something like this:  "Jacob, when we get to Heaven we will be given a new name.  It will be the name that God gives us, and it will tell us exactly who we are in God's eyes."  In other words, we will know who we are, directly from the Creator who made us as we are.  In the Bible, Jesus told Peter he was "the rock" long before Peter ever showed evidence of that.  But it was who he was to become--who he was meant to be, in all his glory.  Oh yes, Jacob knew who he was in that dream.  God had already told him.

Another part of the description was that Jacob looked "like he was in love."  Have you ever seen someone who was truly in love?  They have a special glow about them and joy simply radiates from their being.  That's what Jacob looked like to his friend.  Of course he did.  Jacob now knows fully the love of God--the perfect love of God.  Coming face to face with true love would inspire us to love fully in return.  That's exactly what Jacob would reflect if we could see him now.

For those of us who have had dreams about Jacob, we have seen these qualities as well.  We are taken aback by how vibrant and amazing Jacob looks.  We are also touched by the amount of love and joy he exudes.

 About Jacob
Jacob always had a smile on his face and a kind word to share.  As a son, he was a source of pride and a pure joy to be around.  As a brother, he was loving, thoughtful, and very protective.  As a friend, he was always there with a listening ear and wise advice.  

On May 26, 2006, Jacob graduated from high school with honors.  His classmates voted him "Most Likely to Succeed."  He was already well on his way to a successful career in real estate, having bought and sold his first piece of property at the young age of 15.  Jacob gladly shared his gift of making money with friends and family.  He gave money to a relative faced with financial difficulties.  He gave the entire profit he made from the sale of some land to his friend in order to help him buy a car.  He wanted to make a difference in this world by helping to improve the lives of others through his attitude and actions.

Jacob was a freshman at the University of Georgia.  He absolutely loved being an official Bulldog.  His plan was to major in real estate at the Terry College of Business at UGA while also running his own company, J9 Development.  

Most important, Jacob had a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  He enjoyed going to church and going on trips with his youth group over the years.  Some wonderful friendships were forged through those trips.  During his first week at college, Jacob found a church, Prince Avenue Baptist, a church that has a great ministry for college-aged kids.  He attended each Sunday he was in town, which ended up being only four of them.  The last Sunday he was there he saw Mark Richt, the coach of the UGA football team.  He thought it was great that they attended the same church.  He called my husband and me to tell us all about it.

On Friday, September 22, 2006 Jacob came home for a weekend visit.  What a blessing it was to hear his voice and the voices of his friends fill the house again.  He attended the high school football game, spent hours at the beach with friends, ate at his favorite restaurant, and watched his beloved Bulldogs play on TV.  A special highlight for Jacob was hearing that Mark Richt had done a special in-depth interview that was aired that day in which he spoke very openly of his faith in God and Jesus Christ.

Jacob was able to enjoy his favorite homemade meal of pork tenderloin, angel hair pasta with parmesan cheese, broccoli and rolls.  As we sat together enjoying dinner, he told us how excited he was about his philosophy class.  He loved that his professor had used a form of logical reasoning to explain the existence of God.  Jacob knew he didn't need anyone to claim the existence of God through philosophical reasoning, but he thought it was great that his professor had done it.  I smiled as I thought how his professor would likely use similar reasoning to disprove the existence of God during the next lecture.

That weekend, Jacob shared with us for the first time that he enjoyed dancing.  He didn't say he was good, but he sure loved doing it.  He even had a video clip on his cell phone from a club that a lot of the college kids liked.  He showed me that clip a couple of times throughout the weekend.  I laughed as I recalled how much I used to love to dance at clubs with my friends.  (My husband and I are now taking dance lessons in honor of Jacob's love for dancing.)

Sunday, September 24th started like most Sunday mornings with our family attending church together.  We even sang one of our favorite songs with the words, "God let us be a generation that seeks your face, O God of Jacob."  After church, Jacob took the dogs outside and I joined him out on the back porch for about 30 minutes.  We talked about life, school, girls, and even about what happens when we get to heaven.  After a lunch of homemade tacos, he headed out to the beach with his friend Matt.  It was a beautiful, sunny day with mild temepratures--a perfect day to fall asleep on the beach.  By the time they woke up, went home to take showers and got packed up, it was getting kind of late.  They had a  4 1/2 hour drive back to Athens.

As Jacob was saying goodbye, we told him over and over how much we loved him and enjoyed having him home with us.  He was going to be coming back the next weekend, in part to attend the funeral of one of his classmates, A.J., who died of bone cancer the day before on September 23rd.  We had not yet heard when the funeral would be held, but figured it would probably be that weekend.  My husband, Jacob, and I prayed together for A.J.'s family.  I broke down in tears at the thought of losing a child.  I asked somewhat rhetorically, "How does a parent let go of a child?  How does a mother let go of her son?"  I apologized to Jacob for crying so hard.  He understood.

At one point as we were hugging each other, I stepped back and looked into Jacob's face and thought, "Who is this young man?"  He looked so handsome with his fresh tan and bright smile.  He and Matt had made a habit of working out at the gym on campus, and the evidence of that was beginning to show.  He looked taller, stronger, and more handsome than ever before.  My heart was bursting with love, joy, pride, etc. as any mother's heart would.

Although he was late getting on the road, Jacob seemed to linger.  It was almost as though he didn't want to leave.  We had already hugged and said our goodbyes, but he was in no hurry to dash out the door like he normally was.  I remember looking at him in the doorway with his Georgia shirt, sunglasses, and backpack.  He looked like a typical college student.  

He walked out the door, got in his car, and put the top down.  His sister and I watched him as he drove off.  The sky was clear blue, he had his sunglasses on and the wind was in his hair.  Jacob was on top of the world!  Jacob's motto, which can still be found on his cell phone to this day, was "The glass is full!"  There was no half-empty or half-full debate in Jacob's mind.  The glass was full.

A little while later, Jacob and his friend Matt drove off from Matt's house.  Even Matt's parents thought as they watched the two drive off after praying together with the boys that these guys were living life to the full.  They were at the peak of their game, so to speak.

Nothing could stop them.  Except the rain. . .

Four hours down the road, the sun had set and dark storm clouds had moved into central Georgia.  Back on the island it was still perfectly clear.  A torrent of rain came down on Hwy 15 just south of Greensboro.  Water began pooling up on the road.  One puddle of water was exceptionally deep and wide due to a dip in the road.  Suddenly, Jacob's vehicle began to  hydroplane.  The car started to spin counter-clockwise and crossed over into the oncoming lane.  The driver of a large Dodge Ram truck heading in the opposite direction barely had time to react.  The two vehicles collided.  Due to the force and location of the impact, Jacob's car was jerked into a clockwise spin and ended up in the ditch on the opposite side of the road.

The trooper who was responding to the call also experienced hydroplaning while he was heading to the accident site and did not arrive until the boys were already taken to the hospital.  Despite horrible conditions, a rescue vehicle was able to respond quickly because the vehicle and crew were nearby.  Even so, Jacob died on the way to the hospital.  To this day, I don't know the exact cause of death.  All I know is that his sweet head was wrapped in an inch thick of gauze, and the right side of his face was bruised when I saw him.

Three nights after the accident, a woman whom I have known for years, but had not seen for a long time, had a vision.  Jacob came to her and said, "Tell my mom I'm OK, and I'm learning a new dance and I'm dancing with Jesus!"  She said it was extremely vivid, not like a dream.  That same night, which also happened to be the night Matthew was having a life-saving surgery, the trooper who did the accident investigation had what he could only describe as a supernatural experience involving Jacob and Matthew.  He had never experienced anything like it before.  Knowing the seriousness of Matthew's surgery, the trooper began talking to Jacob, telling him that he knew Jacob did not want Matthew to die.  The trooper asked Jacob to allow him to help Matthew make it through the surgery, if there was anything he could possibly do.  Just then, the trooper began feeling a tingling sensation move from the top of his head to the bottom of his chest.  (FYI Matthew experienced severe head injuries and a punctured lung--the exact areas of the body the trooper felt the tingling sensation.)  He inhaled deeply then collapsed against the wall and began crying.  The trooper had no idea what had just happened.  He had prayed like this for other accident victims but never experienced anything along with those prayers.  While this professional law enforcement officer was normally able to separate himself from his work that he had been committed to for 20 years, he said for some reason he could not get Jacob and Matthew off his mind.  There was simply something different about those two boys according to him.  He was absolutely right!

Jacob's funeral ended up being held on Saturday, September 30th, the day we thought he would be home to attend the funeral of his friend.  It was also Parent's Weekend at UGA, but I had called to cancel our reservation when we got word about the death of AJ.  We knew it was more important for Jacob to be home with his friends for the funeral.  But we never imagined it would be his own funeral we would be attending.

As mentioned earlier, Jacob's dear friend, Matthew, experienced severe head trauma and a punctured lung, but miraculously survived the accident.  He didn't have any broken bones elsewhere in his body.  On the night of the accident, he was transferred to a medical facility that had a trauma center.  Matthew was in the ICU for weeks, literally hanging on to life.  By the grace of God, his body healed well enough to be moved to a rehabilitation facility where he worked hard every day to regain his strength, mobility and his cognitive processing.  Today, Matthew is living at home and attending the local college.  He is also working part-time at a restaurant he and Jacob both worked for during high school. 

The physical healing Matthew has experienced has been a series of miracles.  Please say a prayer for Matthew to continue his healing.  The prayers already prayed on Matthew's behalf have brought him far beyond what the doctors and nurses ever imagined.  Our hope is that they recognize God's hand in all of this.  We love Matthew very much and thank God for the sweet gift of his life.  May he be able to fully know and enjoy all that God still has for him here on this earth.

We miss Jacob more and more every day.  We continue to grow in our realization of how much we have lost.  He was a light in a dark world, in large part, because he knew Jesus Christ, the Light who entered this world over 2,000 years ago.  Because of Jesus, we have the hope and joy of knowing that we will be with Jacob again in heaven, where life is more abundant and tangible than any we have ever known here on this earth.  Praise God! 

The J9 Foundation video in memory of Jacob - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntxaKWfExbU

Sandy's Blog:

http://www.journeyofgrief.wordpress.com

Facebook: - http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/The-J9-Foundation/40944209433?ref=ts