Renewing a Driver's License / Sandy Nyenhuis (Mother)Read >>
Renewing a Driver's License / Sandy Nyenhuis (Mother)
Jacob, your sister and I went to the DMV to get new driver's licenses. With a new address, we needed to do this. As I was filling out the paperwork, I checked the box that stated I wanted to be an organ donor. It brought me back to the day I stood with you in that same building and you had to make that decision for yourself. You thought for just a moment and said "Yes that's the right thing to do!" I remember looking at your license and seeing where it stated you wanted to be an organ donor, and I was so proud of you for making that decision.
I've always wondered why your organs were never used when your license clearly stated your desire. On that night, when someone mentioned donating your organs, I remember thinking (and maybe even saying out loud) "No! Please he's been through enough. I can't stand the thought of his body being cut up." I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's true. Then I heard the nurse say, "He's been gone too long. We can't use them." It felt like someone had just reached inside me and yanked out my stomach. The words echoed in my brain "He's been gone too long."
My thoughts drifted back to being in the DMV with you. It hurt as I thought about you and I once standing together in that very room. What I wouldn't have given to be able to go back to that moment in time.
A friendly computerized voice was periodically calling out numbers that people had been assigned. I'd glance at my ticket to be sure it wasn't me or your sister being called to the counter. I believe we were H-108 and H-109. The pleasant voice called out a number once again while I was deep in thought of you, "J nine zero zero." I almost started to cry. It was your number! J9! The zero zero just meant that the number was nothing but J9!
This evening when I got on the computer, I saw the message Jessica (Brian's girlfriend) left which told about her experience of wearing a J9 t-shirt and being able to tell your story to a man who asked what the t-shirt was about. Then your cousin Brenda commented that she wore her t-shirt on the mission trip to Mississippi she recently took with your cousin Bradi. She was able to share your story too! All because of your crazy nickname J9 and your dream to start a foundation to help others.
I love you my precious son. Every cell in my body misses you. I wish you had the honor of being an organ donor--one last gift to another human being. Instead your love and compassion continue to flow through your foundation. We are delighted that a part of you lives on in the lives of every person blessed by the work of your foundation. We hope you are too!
Tonight, I experienced something that isn't very common. I got mad at you. Really mad! This almost never happens, but tonight it did. What made me so mad is that your sister really needs you. She loves you so much and wants to be able to talk to you. She needs to ask you some questions, but you're not there for her. She even drove up to the cemetery in hopes of finding comfort and getting some sense of your love for her.
But she got NOTHING!!!!! From God or from you.
She doesn't ask for much. She just wants some guidance. When you were here she would look to you. Granted she hated when you shared your opinion without her asking, but when she sought you out, your words meant so much. She trusted your wisdom because she knew your compass was pointed to God. When she couldn't hear what God was saying, she knew your answer would reflect God's desire.
Now, when she really needs you, you're not here. And God doesn't seem to be talking very clearly or with much volume either. She just wants her big brother to help her out, but you've left us.
Tonight I am so mad that you left!!!! Maybe you had no say in the matter, but for the moment, I am mad. I want you here so badly. I want you to be here for your sister to share your wisdom and to comfort her.
The dogs have just started barking at the front door. I want you here to protect me while Dad is in Africa. I want to be able to sit and talk with you about life the way we did before you left. I want to hear you laughter and see your beautiful smile. I want to hear you say, "I love you, Mom!" again. I know I need to be patient, but patience isn't my priority at the moment. I want you here now. I want our lives to be the way they were. I don't want to have to wait until Heaven for this to happen. That might mean another 30+ years, almost two of your lifetimes!!!! Do you have any idea how unbearable that thought is?
Forget about me. Ask God to touch your sister in a powerful way, and if He would allow you to be involved as well, all the better. Have you forgotten how hard life gets at times? Your little sister still needs her big brother, even if it means asking God for a special favor. Don't forget about her. She loves you and misses you so much. Please be the big brother and help her out. She knows God is always there for her even when she can't feel Him, but some days, a big brother is the one who has to come through.
Funny thing. It just started raining really hard. We haven't had rain for days. Maybe Heaven is crying for me since I'm all cried out. My eyes are swollen and my nose is raw.
The rain is a blessing. We need it. The horrible thing is that it will always remind me of the night you died. The storm caused you to hydroplane. Your sister is out in this rain in a vehicle right now. L4UE2C
All That Lay Ahead Of You / Sandy Nyenhuis (Mom~Who Remembers & Wonders )Read >>
All That Lay Ahead Of You / Sandy Nyenhuis (Mom~Who Remembers & Wonders )
Three years ago today, we had the pleasure of watching you walk across the stage to receive your diploma. You were graduating with honors from high school. Your classmates had voted you "Most Likely To Succeed" based on your entrepreneurial spirit and already proven success at buying and selling stocks, real estate, gold, etc.
You said you didn't want to date in high school because it was supposed to be a time of fun while meeting different people, not a time to get into a serious relationship that would limit you at such a young age. While there were a few girls who caught your interest, it proved to be a decision you would stay true to all four years of high school.
You loved hanging out with your friends at the beach all year round. It was normal to find you at the beach with your skimboard, whether it was summertime or a mild day in winter. Skimboarding under a full moon at night was one of your favorite things to do. Getting out on our jet-skis allowed you to combine your love for the ocean waters and feeling the wind in your hair. You never felt more alive, however, than when you were driving in the S-2000, and anyone who knew you at all knew that to be true.
Dad and I always told you to enjoy your high school years, but that the best years of your life were still ahead. We knew you would love the experience of going to college. Small town drama was your worst nightmare, so meeting hundreds of new people who didn't share the same old stories was something you looked forward to. Getting to know girls who didn't live in the 31522 zip code was going to be refreshing, even though there were plenty of local girls you liked as friends.
As you prepared to graduate, you were part of the annual Baccalaureate Service. The reading of Jeremiah 29:11-13 was the honor you had been given. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
The passage seemed a perfect fit for you. We knew God had amazing things in store for you, and your faith in God was deep and strong. You had already found Him and known Him for years. He was not only your Savior, but your friend as well. He had given you courage and a boldness not often found in a man of your young age. He had also comforted you when you were hurting and heartbroken over people who disappointed you and your own disappointments in life.
You and I struggled for awhile. We had always been close. It was easy for you to share your thoughts and feelings with me. Then you pushed me away. Everything I said or did was wrong or didn't make sense to you. I simply walked away when you showed that attitude. You didn't know this, but I often left to cry. We had the same sense of humor and saw things from the same perspective for so many years. You were a kindred spirit, and I enjoyed our relationship tremendously. But it was changing, and it hurt. I didn't want to lose the son whom I so deeply loved.
One day, it became clear that you were doing what came naturally. You were separating yourself from me. That was healthy and normal! Why was I so resistant when you were doing exactly what was right and necessary to do? Slowly, I began to embrace your differences in opinion and your less-than-thrilled attitude. Oddly enough, I grew to respect some of your defiance, because I saw it as part of the process of you becoming an independent adult.
During the summer, just before you left for college, you must have found the separation you needed, because you came back. You were kind and spoke respectfully again. You sought my counsel on more than one occasion. I rejoiced to have my son back, but you were different. More confident. More mature. More at rest with who you were and where your life was going.
College turned out to be everything you had hoped and more. You were meeting new people and making new friends. The connection with your friends from home remained strong, but you were reaching out to others. You said you wanted to develop new friendships that would last a lifetime. The football games at UGA were over the top. You had a lot of school spirit in high school, but the passion you had for the Bulldogs was unlike any other. Dad and I were going to come up for the Sept. 16th game but decided not to at the last minute. You were so excited to have us up there and so disappointed when we didn't come.
Papers and assignments you completed during the first five weeks of college reflected the fun you were having, yet the maturity you possessed. You wrote about the regret you had over the way you handled an experience on a trip with the youth group from church. You wrote about the pure joy of being in a new place with new people. Talking to girls and not worrying about whether they would take what you said in the wrong way was a welcome change. Finding more people who had similar values was refreshing. You also wrote boldly about your faith in God as well as the existence of heaven and hell.
Through phone conversations and face to face discussions, you were very honest about going downtown to the "local establishments" and staying out until all hours of the night. There was a great place where college kids hung out and danced that had become one of your favorites. Along with a lot of the typical college behavior, you made a point to do something that was not very typical of college guys. You found a local church to attend each Sunday morning, and you were about to start attending their mid-week college ministry gathering.
Life was grand. You were even making profits through your investments that allowed you to have plenty of spending money. You were living life to the fullest! Your glass was not only full but overflowing. The kindness and generosity of your heart touched your roommate, the guys on your dorm floor, and the people in your dorm, other students in your classes as well as your professors.
Why?
Why did it have to end? How is it that you were allowed to die and leave this earth? What about all the good you still could have done? Why did we have to lose one who brought light and life to this world? You were the real thing, Jacob. You didn't try to be someone you weren't. You didn't just go along with the crowd in order to be accepted and blend in. You stood out and you stood up for what was good and pure and just.
These are the questions we are all left to live with. The answers lie on the other side of the veil.
Meanwhile, I will continue to trust God. I will live life as fully as possible, relying on God's love, mercy and strength every day. I will wait upon the Lord and put my hope in Him. One day, Jacob, I will lift up my eyes and see you coming toward me. My heart will pound and be filled with joy. I will be radiant and know that I am finally Home. All the waiting will be like the blink of an eye. And it will be worth it!
The Joy That Will Be Mine / Mom~Who Looks Forward To Seeing You Again Read >>
The Joy That Will Be Mine / Mom~Who Looks Forward To Seeing You Again
Lift up your eyes and look about you: All assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar, and your daughters are carried on the arm. Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will pound and swell with joy... -Isaiah 60:4&5a
One day, this will be the joy of entering heaven and seeing Jacob once again. Any parent who has lost a child knows that being reunited with a son or daughter who has died will cause us to be radiant. Our hearts will pound and swell with joy! I long for the day but will wait upon the Lord.
I have been reading research done by psychotherapist Joanne Jozefowski (1999) where she identified the qualities in people who have been transformed by trauma and loss. She called them the 'Phoenix Grievers' - people who have endured profound personal tragedies and have risen from the ashes of grief as stronger, wiser and more compassionate human beings.
Phoenix Grievers are people like you and your family Sandy. They have experienced ths same depth of pain as others who grieve - the difference is that they have channeled their pain into something meaningful and constructive.
On this special day when you remember Jacob on his 21st birthday, I applaud your courage in reaching out to others who grieve and in continuing Jacob's profound legacy through the J9 foundation. Your family is a testimony to us all.
Two and a half years ago today, life changed forever. As a result of a car accident, you crossed over from this life to eternal life in Heaven. Despite a lot of painful experiences in my childhood, I can honestly say I never knew pain so deep as the pain I felt after learning that you had died on the way to the hospital.
How was it possible that the son I adored, the son who loved life and others so deeply and who was deeply loved by others, was dead? Your life, so full of love and joy, was part of the redemption of my own life, so how could it be over. Why was a young man who was so loving and blessed with numerous gifts which he shared freely with others taken so early? You lived life to the full and inspired others to do the same. Why did God allow such a shining star to be removed from this dark and sinful world? These are questions I cannot answer.
Since your death, I have learned many things. Some good. Some bad. On the good side, I have learned that our community has love and generosity that exceeds anything I ever imagined. People here care for one another deeply and are willing to do whatever it takes to help people in need. The acts of love and kindness that were expressed from people within our community and around the world caused me to pause and ask, "Who are we that God would surround our family with this kind of love and support?" I learned that God speaks His love to us through the prayers and actions of His people, even those who deny Him. I also learned that you were admired and respected by your peers and other adults in ways we (and you) never knew. Your vision and passion spurred others on to do great things. Most important, I learned that God never leaves us, even in our darkest moments. In fact, He becomes more real and relevant than ever, if we allow Him into our pain and suffering. God is our Redeemer, and He will do whatever it takes to redeem life's tragedies even while we are still in this life, if we are willing to work with Him. He reveals Himself in new, exciting and unexpected ways when we thirst and hunger for Him as though all of life depends on Him. He also reveals Himself and His healing love in the subtlest of ways if we look for Him in everything.
On the bad side, I have learned that some people who have experienced the richest blessings and most wonderful miracles prefer to remain in the misery of what they do not have. They focus on the tragedy rather than the triumph. People who have been given the gift of life choose bitterness, anger and jealousy over gratitude, joy and abundant living. Those who have been given much often times horde what they have and keep others at a distance out of distrust. People who have the opportunity to be a blessing seem to delight in being a curse, in order to inflict pain on others. Some who have been given much live in so much fear of losing what they have, they squeeze the joy out of life. Someone who claims Jesus as Lord and tells others to get right with the Lord doesn't necessarily reflect even the remotest glimmer of God's love and light.
At times, I have more questions than answers, Jacob. I don't expect to ever really understand why you were allowed to go. But no matter what, I know God loves you and he loves our family. I know that we will be together again in Heaven. I know that Jesus will right all wrongs and Satan doesn't win this battle. I love you with all that God gives me and will never stop missing you until the day I am able to wrap my arms around you and tell you (as I did on our last day together) how very proud I am of you and that you are a wonderful young man.
my buddy!!! / Eddie Singleton (Classmate)
Jacob it seems like it was the other day we were in Coach Rooks tennis class kicking butt as tennis partners."you're were my partner in crime in tennis. Jacob you're were just a good all around type of guy to be around."I miss you buddy"...Class of 2006 4-life GO TERRORS!!!!!! Close
AMAZING!!/ Bev Mom To Angel Amanda DeSarro
I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH HOW AMAZING THIS SITE IS...ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW ON IT!! THE FOUNDATION IN JACOB'S HONOR IS BEYOND AMAZING...HOW PROUD YOU MUST BE OF THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS MADE IN YOUR SON'S NAME!!
THE CELL PHONE CALL IS ALSO UNBELIEVABLE...MY FAMILY AND MY DAUGHTER AMANDA'S FRIENDS HAVE ALSO RECEIVED SEVERAL OF THESE CALLS...IT IS SOOO UNEXPLAINABLE...ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU THINK OF ALL THE STEPS ONE MUST GO THROUGH TO PLACE THE CALL...BELIEVE THAT IT IS A SIGN FROM JACOB...THAT IS WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO DO! JUST 2 DAYS AGO...MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER AND I WERE ON A "VICTORIA'S SECRET" WEBSITE, WHICH WAS AMANDA'S FAVORITE PLACE TO SHOP...AND MY DAUGHTER JUST OPENED HER PHONE TO CHECK IT AND AMANDA'S VOICEMAIL WAS PLAYING! I MUST SAY THAT MY YOUNGER DAUGHTER, HALI, WAS A LITTLE CONFUSED BUT I TOLD HER THAT IT WAS JUST AMANDA'S WAY OF TELLING US SHE WAS NEAR AND STILL VERY MUCH A PART OF OUR DAILY LIVES...MORE THAN WE MAY KNOW!! I MUST ADMIT, I WAS SKEPTICAL ABOUT THE CALLS UNTIL I RECEIVED ONE MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTER HALI HAS NOW RECEIVED 2. "BELIEVE" IS WHAT WE HAVE CHOSEN TO DO!! MAY YOUR HALIDAYS BE FILLED WITH BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES!! Close
just thought of you. / Rae Rae Etheridge (friend)Read >>
just thought of you. / Rae Rae Etheridge (friend)
When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. Jacob lived all five of his acts and he is not asking us to be happy that he had to go. He only asks that we turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of him, relate his life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died." Close
Its hard to believe that two years have passed since Jacob left. What was even weirder, is my best friend died just four days after he did, in the same exact way. Me and mallory were talking today about a bunch of stuff, and Jacob and Danielle, came to my mind. It still amazes me how Danielle can still communicate with me, even after she is gone. And how i can feel Jacob every now adn then, when i never even met him before. I have this strongest feeling that him and Danielle are friends up there. They had so much in common, it would be hard for them not to be friends.
Coming home from Rochelle, Georgia one night, i almost had a wreck, and it was like something was pulling me away from the curve, so that i wouldnt wreck, i instantly knew it was both of them protecting me. God is so good to how he lets our loved ones who have passed, still talk to us, protect us, and guide us to do right things. He gave me the best gift i could have ever asked for, and that was to see danielle again. She visited me in my dream, and it felt so wonderful to be in her presence again. We hugged, her blonde hair was longer and shinyier then ever, her beautiful smile light up the whole room. She knew things that had happend since she left, and she asked me not to cry over her anymore, to be happy that shes in a better place. I woke up and called my boyfriend and told him about this dream, and he smiled and said, "Baby, shes watching out for you, she's still with you, protecting you, and loving you" it feels so good to know that she is still a huge part of me.
Jacob, please be with Danielle on 9/28/06 that'll be her two years. please tell her we all miss her, and love her.
9/24/08 Memorial / J. Dow III (Stranger)
To Mr. and Mrs. Nyenhuis:
I read Jacob's memorial insert in The Brunswick News tonight and I was at once grief-stricken by the knowledge of the loss of this beautiful young man, and then encouraged by your accompanying message, "See you in Heaven!" In fact, the memorial inspired me to look-up Jacob's website and then the information contained herein prompted me to write you. I am a father of 5 young boys (and a UGA graduate) and I often consider the perils that my children will face as they grow older. I pray that I never know the pain you have experienced as a result of Jacob's loss, but if I do, I hope that I exhibit your strength and grace.
I pray for your peace and comfort and, to the extent possible, I offer these thoughts. It is evident from the content of this site that Jacob was an exceptional person. Jacob's extraordinary nature speaks to the quality of the time and effort you spent raising your son. Clearly his life, though short, was well-lived and infused with an abundance of love - the most important thing in this world. While you may, from time to time, focus on the unrealized potential of Jacob's life, in those moments I hope you will readjust your outlook and take pride in a job well-done, training your attention instead upon the accomplishment that your son's life, though brief, represents. Undoubtedly there are many parents who have their children on Earth for a "full" lifetime that would envy what you experienced with your son in his mere 18 years.
Everyday I live my life with my sons as if it is my last. I appreciate the little things and take note of what some might consider forgettable moments. As such, your detailed description of Jacob's final day resonates with me. I believe I am on the right track with my boys, but as a parent one can never really know. I know this though, it is my hope that by the time my sons reach the age of 18 their lives will be as full as Jacob's was at the time of his departure.
Please accept my condolences and congratulations on this date.
Where's my J9 shirt, Mom?!? / Lisa Beckwith (friend)Read >>
Where's my J9 shirt, Mom?!? / Lisa Beckwith (friend)
It has been crazy here at the Beckwith house with football practices, softball practices, cheerleading, etc. I am trying to just keep up with my laundry. Dillon brought home all of his football gear this weekend to be cleaned. This morning, he was getting ready for school and he panicked. "Mom, I am missing something with all my football stuff!!!" I responded; "What was it, Honey, I thought I got everything?" With a strain in his voice, he said; "I NEED MY J9 SHIRT !!!! I CANNOT AND WILL NOT PRACTICE WITHOUT IT!!!!!" I ran upstairs, checked the dryer and, praise God, his shirt was there waiting for him! Some may call it his lucky shirt (since he made 1st string QB with it), but he calls it "being covered". Close
Feeling Your Pain!! / Bev DeSarro (Mom to Angel Amanda )
Jacob's site is beautiful...from everything you have included, he must have been an amazing person for the short time he was given here on earth!! Seems a though he touched so many in that time...he seemed soo full of life!! I found your son's site by accident when I was researching ADC's on another site and found his website...it was through the same company as my daughter's www.amanda-desarro.memory-of.com so I decided to visit. My daughter was recently killed in a car accident too...April 8th, 2008. It was horrible...she had an SUV which was hit by an old lady who ran through a red light...Amanda's vehicle rolled and she was pinned underneath. I too need to hear the details of the accident but have yet to talk to the firemen and local police who were first on the scene...two of which knew Amanda personally...friends of the family. I have only spoken to the state trooper...but I really need to hear the details however tragic. I read the same about you and connected to your family immediately...Anyway hearing how important those last minutes of your son's life was to you makes me realize that I'm not crazy in needing to know those details!! Now all I need is the courage to hear it. Thank You!!
Sorry for your loss / Alice Silverman (Just another sad mom )Read >>
Sorry for your loss / Alice Silverman (Just another sad mom )
Was reading about your ADC with your son and saw you posted his memorial site. I lost my son very close to the same time as you and they were very close in age. I'm so sorry for your loss. You were blessed to have had a visit. I'm hoping Danny will come to me. I did feel his presence once briefly. I never believed in any of this stuff before but I do now. Peace to you and your family. Alice, Danny's Mom http://daniel-silverman.memory-of.com/About.aspx
An S-2000 and Jacob / Belle Mihajlovic (Cousin)Read >>
An S-2000 and Jacob / Belle Mihajlovic (Cousin)
Jacob's cousin, Belle, recently wrote to tell us about a special "Jacob moment" she had while running an errand for work. Someone else was supposed to run the errand, but at the last minute, Belle was asked to do it. She knows the last-minute change was not a coincidence, but was meant to be. While out on the errand, she spotted an S-2000. Immediately her thoughts turned to Jacob since that was the kind of car he drove. What really surprised her, however, was seeing the license plate on the S-2000: JA9. For those who don't know, Jacob named his future company J9 Development. We now use J9 in the foundation we established in Jacob's memory--The J9 Foundation. Can you believe that? It sure put a smile on Belle's face and allowed her to feel a special connection to Jacob. Coincidence? Maybe. Don't think so!!!! Close
Just wanted to thank all of you who took the time to light a candle or write a note to us about Jacob during the days around his birthday. You have no idea how much your words mean to us. They bring us joy and life. Any mention of Jacob's name has the power to heal a piece of the brokeness that will always exist. Knowing that Jacob is still in the hearts and minds of his friends (and even those who never knew him) is a comfort and a blessing. Some of you may think that your words do not have the power to heal and to comfort, but they do. Always remember this as you reach out to others who have experienced loss, and you will be a blessing to them as well. May you be comforted and blessed with the same comfort and blessing you have given us.
i cant remember the first time i met jacob because it was so long ago but i wanted to share with everyone a time i had with jacob that i, along with mrs. nyenhuis will never forget. mrs. nyenhuis and i were sitting in her tutoring room going over school stuff when jacob came bursting into the room with his first paycheck from outback where he had been bussing tables and was ready to step up to be a waiter. he was so proud of his paycheck, he stood in the room telling us about his day and what he was going to do with his paycheck that i (beeing the verry random person i am) blurt out "wow jacob you could buy a toaster with that kinda money". we all laughed for a second and after a while jacob left us to get back to our studing. the next week the same thing happened. jacob came in with his second paycheck and every one was so proud of him. after awhile i blurted out "wow jacob you could buy two toasters with that" and again everyone laughed but this time when he exited the room i said"BY TOASTER-BOY!!"from that day on everytime i saw jacob i would refer to him as "toaster-boy" the last time i was able to see jacob's bright face i was at the beach and he was with his bestfriend bobby and i was to shy to say hey to him so i didnt. if i could go back in time to that day i would have run up to him and wrapped my arms around him. i miss my toaster-boy more than anyone could ever understand, and when the nyenhuis's move away im going to have to swing by their house atleast once a week in order for mrs. sandy and i to have our usuall chats about toaster and life in general.
i love you guys so much and i dont know what i would do with out you. im gonna miss yall when you move
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