Jacob Nyenhuis Tributes, Condolences & Bereavement

An Amazing Son / Sandy Nyenhuis (Mom)
Jacob was a blessing from the moment he was born. I will never forget the overwhelming love I had for him when I first saw him and held him in my arms. Was it possible to love someone so much that it hurt? Yes! Then, I saw his dimples for the first time and my heart melted. I began to cry for joy. What a sweet experience that was.

Jacob was a colicky baby, so he cried a lot during the first few months of his life. That meant I cried too. A mother is supposed to be able to help her child, but there was nothing I could do. Once he outgrew colic, life was smooth sailing! We were always together, and I talked to Jacob constantly. He talked too, even though he didn't know any words. We nicknamed him "The Professor." The first word he did learn was "ball" because he always had a little soccer ball nearby that his daddy gave him the day he was born.

As a young boy, Jacob was such a pleasure to raise. He was always so kind and polite. A smile was on his face all the time. His laughter was infectious. His patience and focus were amazing for such a young child. He could sit and draw or build things for hours on end. He loved having books read to him.

Jacob was a wonderful big brother to his sister, Raleigh, who was born only 20 months after him. Some jealousy did exist as was evident the time he ran out of his bedroom and did a swan dive across the living room floor while yelling, "NOOOO!" after he overheard his daddy say he was going to pick up Raleigh because she was getting fussy. We were speechless. He had been so kind and gentle to his sister. We finally realized he wasn't completely sold out on the idea of sharing his mommy and daddy with anyone else.

Our family was very involved in church, so Jacob grew to love God at a very young age. When he was just a baby, we would sit and read over and over again a children's book that was simply the words to the 23rd Psalm. We continued to read that book together on into the years when he could read it himself. Little did we know back then that I would one day have to walk through the valley of the shadow of his death.

Jacob knew God loved him, life was a gift, and he had been placed on this earth and into our family for a special purpose. The gifts he had been given were gifts from God. His artistic and creative talents along with his strong mind and healthy body were to be used to honor God, not just himself. His life truly reflected that understanding.

During his school years, Jacob made many wonderful friends. He was nice to everyone and people were nice to him. He never got into trouble with teachers and enjoyed working hard to make good grades (at least in elementary school). I even had the pleasure of being his second grade teacher at a private school in Jacksonville, Florida. He truly was a wonderful student. Jacob continued to do well in school and graduated from Glynn Academy High School with honors.

While he was in high school, Jacob developed a deep sense of school spirit. He loved attending the basketball and football games. He also developed a strong passion for cars. One of his highlights was driving the car he and his friend Matt had bought and fixed up together in the homecoming parade their senior year. Jacob drove while Matt stood up through the sunroof and held a sign for their friend Bobby who was on the homecoming court.

Two of Jacob's favorite trips involved his Dad and really nice cars. The first was to the Detroit Auto Show where they got to see up close and personal some of the finest cars in the world. They spent three days together just drooling over beautiful cars. The second was a trip to southern California where a friend of the family arranged for Jacob to attend a car show, visit someone's personal garage with several VERY nice cars, and get a few rides in some unbelievably FAST cars. It was a very good thing his Mom wasn't there. The experience in California was one of the most exciting times of his life. An added advantage was being able to buy a really nice skimboard in a shop in Laguna Beach and actually go skimboarding on the Pacific coast. He had already done plenty of skimboarding on the Atlantic coast since we live on an island, but being in California was over the top.

A third trip Jacob really enjoyed took place a little over a year before he was killed. He and his dad went to the North Carolina mountains just to go driving. They went in my husband's convertible sports car. At night they stayed in a small tent in the Davidson River Campground in the Pisgah National Forest. Jacob never felt more alive than when he was driving along those winding mountain roads with the top down. One night as they were together in the tent, Jacob made a point of looking right at my husband and saying, "Thanks, Dad. This has been great!"

Another passion Jacob developed during high school was for real estate. He bought his first piece of property when he was only 15 years old. He borrowed some money from Mom and Dad. He paid us back in full and earned a several thousand dollar profit as well. From that moment on, he was hooked!

Jacob didn't simply start raking in money to spend it only on himself. Instead, he used his money to help out a cousin who was having financial difficulties. It was a gift, not a loan. When he gave it to her, he simply left it for her enclosed in a card explaining that God had blessed him, so he wanted to bless her. There was no waiting around to see the expression on her face or to hear how wonderful he was for doing it. He did it quietly and humbly like he did so many things. He also gave the entire profit from one of his property sales to his friend in order to help him buy a car. Jacob loved being able to do things for other people. He also felt good about buying some of the things he liked without having to go to Mom and Dad for the money.

While we were on a family trip to Africa, Jacob was deeply saddened and moved by the poverty he witnessed in one of the world's largest slums in Nairobi, Kenya. He was so moved that he chose to join a group of people that did not include his own family as they went into a community that was impoverished. He visited the home of a woman who was dying of AIDS and tuberculosis. This woman had two teenaged sons living with her in a tiny structure that was no larger than Jacob's bedroom back at home. Jacob was a teenager himself at the time. His heart was touched and he vowed to one day form a foundation that would be used to help the poor of Africa. He wanted to hire his own father to run the foundation for him since he was already director of a Christian relief and development organization that worked with other foundations to help the poor. (Please go to "His Legacy" to learn more about how Jacob's dream to begin a foundation has become a reality.)

On that trip, Jacob said to a brilliant African woman who is a leader in the movement to combat AIDS in Africa, "More good people need to make lots of money to help the poor." My husband and I did not know he had said this until after Jacob's death. Two days later, this wonderful woman from Africa sent us a note telling us about what Jacob had said to her. She now has that quote hanging up in her office in one of the government buildings in Nairobi, Kenya.

As Jacob approached his senior year of high school, he decided he wanted to attend the University of Georgia and become a real Bulldog. He certainly had the grades to do it, and was thrilled when he received his early acceptance letter from UGA shortly before Christmas of 2005. Knowing where he was headed for his four years of college, Jacob relaxed and enjoyed the rest of his senior year.

An amazing thing about Jacob was that he loved hanging out with his classmates and having a good time, but he didn't need to get drunk, smoke, or do drugs in order to have fun. Jacob was high on life! He laughed hysterically without the help of anything other than his sense of humor.

As his senior year was drawing to a close, Jacob was having a blast. The senior trip to Grad Night at Disney in Orlando was great. He loved that the place was crammed with kids his own age with music that he actually enjoyed. Senior Week was so much fun for him. He had a blast hanging out with his friends until the wee hours of the morning night after night. Yet, he always came home. He didn't stay in a rented "Senior House" like a lot of his classmates did.  Jacob chose to come home each night, even if it was 3 or 4 a.m.

After graduation, the summer started off great with our last family trip before Jacob went away to college. We spent over a week in the Seattle area and the San Juan Islands, just the four of us. We had an amazing time laughing, playing games together every night, and exploring new places including a castle and the beautiful gardens surrounding it. We marveled at God's creation as we watched gorgeous sunsets, majestic mountains and mighty killer whales. We had no tension or petty arguments. We simply enjoyed our time together. We always had a great time on family trips, but this one seemed even sweeter knowing it might be the last trip that included all four of us.

The next several weeks, however, were different. The necessary breaking away that takes place between a child and parent as the child heads into an adult life was in full swing. It seemed as though everything I did made Jacob mad. An added source of stress was a remodeling project that was in process that meant we only had access to the bedrooms and bathrooms. One bedroom served as an office/kitchen/family room. We were on top of one another. As a result, Jacob spent much of his time at the beach, in friend's homes, or at work. That's the way it went until the beginning of August.

In the midst of that tension, I began to realize that I had been smothering Jacob. Perhaps there is a reason that the word "mothering" is found in the word smothering. Mothering to an excess is smothering, isn't it? I was so afraid of losing Jacob that I began to grab hold of him tighter than ever. I wanted to help him do everything, but he wanted to do those things for himself. He needed to prove he was capable and responsible. I was getting in the way of that. He was teaching me what I needed to learn as a mother. My husband and I always knew our role was to teach him to be independent, but I was resisting--until that moment of realization. I needed to let my son be exactly who he was meant to be--an independent adult.

About two weeks or so before Jacob left for college, I began to see a softening take place in him. He didn't snap at me anymore. He was nicer to his sister than he had been in quite awhile. I could see that the reality of leaving home was sinking in and he really was going to miss us. He was still excited to be leaving, but it wasn't in order to get away from us anymore. His excitement was about starting a new phase of life. He knew his time with us was short, so he truly began to cherish our time together. It was good to have my sweet, kind Jacob back.

On August 12, 2006, our family of four headed up to Athens, Georgia. Jacob drove his car and I rode with him. My husband and daughter drove in the van loaded down with college dorm room materials. Halfway through, my husband and I switched places and he rode with Jacob while I took over driving the van. We both had some last moments to talk with Jacob on that trip all by ourselves as we took our turns riding as a passenger in his car. We told him how much we loved him and how proud we were as parents. We also told him how badly we would miss him, but we knew he was headed into the best years of his life. He genuinely appreciated the last words of advice his father shared with him, and I believe he felt my love more than ever that day.

His sister, Raleigh, actually rode with him for the very last bit of the journey. They didn't want to be seen driving into a big college town in a minivan with their mom and dad! Heaven forbid!.

We knew it was likely Jacob would spend the night in the dorm. We had moved everything into his room and only had a few more items to buy at the store before he would be completely settled in. We were surprised that his roommate, whom he had never met, had not moved in yet. He went out with some friends that night, but decided he would come spend the night with us in the hotel room. I was so excited! To look over the following morning and see Jacob and his sister in the bed next to ours one last time was a blessing beyond words. I knew it was a special moment.

The following morning, we went to Jacob's dorm room in hopes of meeting his roommate, but he still hadn't arrived.  We knew we'd get a chance to meet him soon enough on one of our many visits to the UGA campus to see Jacob. After taking a little time to tour the campus some more and make sure he had everything he needed, we said goodbye to Jacob and headed off down the road. We all held it together quite well. I was sure I would be asking my husband to pull off the road so I could cry my eyes out without distracting his driving, but we were all pretty calm. Our daughter was writing a paper for a literature class as we drove. She was writing about the charmed life she had. She mentioned how she had never experienced the loss of someone she loved and how much love our family had for one another.

That night my husband and I both cried in the dark after crawling into bed. We missed Jacob, and it hurt so much to know his room next to ours was empty. My husband said we were NOT going to call Jacob that night because we had to let him feel independent, but I was afraid he'd think we didn't care, so we finally got up to call him. I told my husband to do it. When Jacob answsered his cell phone, the first words he said were, "That didn't take long!" We all laughed and Mom and Dad felt much better.

In the weeks to follow, we treasured every phone call or email exchange with Jacob. Whenever we found out he had made a call to his sister, we would quickly ask her how he was doing and what he was up to. We were excited to hear from him to get the latest news on how college life was going.  Each time I saw Jacob's name on my cell phone as it rang, my heart jumped for joy. He had no idea how happy he made me with those phone calls. Sometimes he was calling with a question about something, and other times he was just calling to let me know about something exciting that had happened. No matter the reason, I was thrilled to talk with him.

Certainly a real highlight for Jacob was learning what it was like to be a true Georgia Bulldog. Attending those football games was absolute heaven for Jacob. He loved the school spirit, the people, the noise and the action. He learned how to do the Bulldog cheer with passion.

Jacob loved meeting new people and experiencing new places, so we knew he was having the time of his life. He purposely didn't room with his good friend, Matt, because he said he hoped he would form a lifelong friendship with his new roommate just as Dad had when he was in college. He really liked his roommate, Nick. They got along great. Jacob said he didn't want to take a TV to college because he didn't plan on spending much time in his room, but he changed his mind after meeting Nick. He decided he might want to watch some sporting events on TV and Nick seemed to enjoy watching it now and then too. He felt bad that the TV Nick brought wasn't real big, so Jacob went to the store and bought a new flat-panel 26 inch TV with money he had made on one of his investments. He thought it would be more fun for the two of them to watch things on a bigger screen.

Probably the thing that Jacob loved the most at college was the ratio of girls to guys which at UGA is about 2 girls to every guy. He even wrote about that for one of his papers in his literature and composition class. He wrote about how great it was to be around so many people because it gave him an opportunity to meet more people who shared his interest and values. Jacob loved the kids from his high school who were at UGA and had no intention of losing those friendships. He and Matt were together a lot, but they made a point of meeting as many new friends as possible. Even Jacob's high school classmates told us how they were amazed by the number of people Jacob knew as they walked with him on campus.

No one could have known that when Jacob and Matt left campus that Friday afternoon, September 22nd that they would not be returning any time soon. Jacob would never return. How could Nick have known he was saying goodbye for the last time to his roommate and friend when Jacob ran back into the room to grab his laptop computer before getting on the road? How could any of his friends have known they'd never see his smiling face again or never have another chance to meet for lunch? How could his new friend have known that Jacob would never be back to study with her for a test that Sunday night? No one knew how different life would be after that weekend, least of all me.

Although they were only on campus for five weeks, Jacob and Matt made a real impact on people there. Matt actually had more time to make an impact on people in Athens because he spent weeks in Athens in the ICU at the local hospital. While people could not see him when they visited, their lives were still impacted by him and by his family. They saw faith being lived out moment by moment as life hung in the balance.

Life is different now. More for some than others. We now know how fragile life is and that we should not waste a moment of it being selfish, careless, bitter or angry. We have all learned to be more grateful for what we have. Hopefully we have learned to be better people and to love God and trust God as completely as Jacob did. In one of the last assignments Jacob did for his philosophy class, he wrote, "Belief in God is necessary because He can fulfill dreams." Amen, Jacob! Now you are experiencing the fulfillment of your dreams in ways you never imagined possible. We can't wait to see you again. We want to hear of all your amazing adventures and meet all of the new friends you now have. WE LOVE YOU JACOB!!!!