I have been amazed by the number of times I have seen someone who looks a lot like Jacob.  Most of the time I just dismiss it and usually don't say anything if somone is with me. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.  This past weekend while Michael and I were visiting with Raleigh I was startled to see a family walk into the restaurant where we were eating with two sons who both looked like Jacob.  I wondered if they were twins.  One of the boys walked by and it nearly took my breath away.  From the back this young guy easily could have been Jacob.  The feeling that washes over me is sweet because it feels like Jacob is actually right there in the room.  As usual I said nothing.

A few minutes later the young man walked by in the other direction.  This time Raleigh noticed.  She commented on how much he looked like Jacob.  If I had my way I would stand and stare at these people or even walk up to them and begin talking but of course I never do.  I simply enjoy the short-lived fantasy of imagining that September 24 2006 never happened and my sweet handsome Jacob is still right there with me. 

One day we will be together again.  I just have to figure out how to make it through until that day.  The best way I know how is learning to be grateful for the many wonderful moments that I have been (and continue to be) given while I am still here.  Just one look at Michael or Raleigh is enough to remind me.

Jacob's favorite sandwich at Larry's Subs was the chicken cordon blue. Sometimes, as soon as Jacob walked into the restaurant, the people behind the counter would begin making his sandwich.  They knew exactly how he liked it.  For some of Jacob's friends, just hearing "chicken cordon bleu" makes them think of Jacob.

At dinner tonight, Raleigh (Jacob's sister) wasn't sure what to order. She wasn't very hungry, but she wanted something. The waiter came back twice in order to give her time to decide.  She still couldn't figure it out, so Michael and I placed our orders. As the waiter was on his way to the kitchen to put in the order, he stopped, turned around and came back to our table. Without any prompting, he looked right at Raleigh and said, "You know what you should order?  The chicken cordon bleu."  The three of us stared at each other and laughed.  Raleigh had never eaten chicken cordon bleu, but knew she had to order it.  The waiter was a bit confused by our laughter, so we told him it was a family thing.  When he walked away, we smiled and said what a neat "Jacob moment" that was.  It felt like Jacob himself had prompted the waiter to make that perfect suggestion.

A few minutes later, the waiter came back. He laughed and said, "I just have to ask you about the chicken cordon bleu. May I ask what was the family thing?"  That's when I knew something more was going on.  After we explained, he felt awful and apologized.  We quickly assured him it was nothing to feel bad about and that we loved being able to tell the story.  He said, "I'm glad you said that, because I was about to start crying."  He also went on to say it was unusual for him to suggest that sandwich to a young woman.  He said normally he would suggest a quesadilla or something lighter. He had no idea why he said the chicken cordon bleu. I think I know why.

The reason I believe something more was going on is because of a similar experience I had about six months after Jacob died.  It was a Friday afternoon, and a gentleman from the local Honda dealer called to say that their records showed we had not brought the S-2000 in for its regular maintenance.  He wanted to know if we'd like to schedule an appointment.  My heart raced!  This guy had no idea our son had been killed in an accident while driving the S-2000. I calmly explained we no longer owned the S-2000, but I had no intention of saying anything more.  I didn't want to make this guy feel bad.

He responded, "I hope you sold it and it wasn't damaged in an accident or something." My heart dropped to my stomach.  I didn't want to lie, but I still didn't want to give him the details and ruin this guy's Friday afternoon.  At the same time, something inside of me longed to speak Jacob's name and tell the story.  I said a quick prayer.  "Lord, if you want me to tell the story, You open the door."  My reply to his comment was, "Unfortunately it was in an accident."

The man could have said, "Oh that's a real bummer" or "I'm sorry to hear that," but he continued by saying, "Please tell me no one was hurt in the accident!"

I knew right then that God was prompting this man, and He probably didn't even know.  That's when I explained what had happened.  He said how very sorry he was.  We talked a little while longer.  As the conversation came to a close, this man said with tenderness and sincerity, "Ma'am you have a very blessed weekend, okay?"  Those words comforted me.  I responded likewise.  Believe it or not, I hung up with a smile on my face and said, "God, I know you were behind that! Thank you for letting me speak about Jacob and receiving that man's kind words of blessing. You knew I needed that!"

Jacob died on September 24th, or the twenty-fourth day of the ninth month.  As I came across this passage of scripture in the months after Jacob's death, I was stunned:

"From this day on, from this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month, give careful thought to the day when the foundation of the Lord's temple was laid.  Give careful thought:  Is there yet any seed left in the barn?  Until now, the vine and the fig tree, the pomegranate and the olive tree have not borne fruit.  From this day on, I will bless you.  On that day, I will take you"... declares the Lord, "and I will make you like my signet ring, for I have chosen you," declares the Lord Almighty.  ~Haggai 2:18, 19 & 23

June 1 thru June 10, 2006 was our last family vacation. We went to Seattle, the Olympic Mountains, Victoria BC and the San Juan Islands. 

You loved this trip! Everywhere we went, you found something that caused you to stand in awe. It was like you were discovering hidden treasures, and every day there was something different that you found to be beautiful or amazing. Three years ago tonight, it was the restaurant on the water, overlooking the harbour with all the ferries coming and going. You loved big cities and big water, so Seattle was your kind of place. The meal you had was one of the finest you'd ever enjoyed.  HUGE crab legs and steak made up the main course, but they were only part of your culinary delights that night. You thought the waiter was especially good, so you talked with dad about the generous tip he should leave, and he did.

The whole trip was excellent. Not a single word was spoken in anger or frustration. It was a classic Nyenhuis family getaway--filled with laughter and love.

You did some of the sweetest things on that trip that I will never forget.  You told me one day you'd have gardens for me to enjoy like the ones we saw at Hatley Castle in Victoria, British Columbia.

You also ran all the way back to our cabin just as you and Dad were about to put in the kayaks when we were in the San Juan Islands. You ran back to tell me about a beautiful white dog you had seen that you knew I would love.  You were right. He was beautiful and sweet and I was so thankful my son was thoughtful enough to tell me about him. 

I love you, Jacob!  I miss you. I can't wait to see the beautiful gardens awaiting me in Heaven. Something tells me you have already asked God to have them there for me, even though he already knew I'd love them.

Here is an article that ran in the local newspaper February 22, 2009

The tragic death of a young entrepreneur has inspired a microfinance venture designed to improve lives in some of the poorest nations on the planet.

Jacob Nyenhuis was 18 when he died in a Sept. 24, 2006, traffic accident while traveling from his St. Simons Island home to the University of Georgia during a heavy rainstorm.

The UGa freshman, who at age 15 already had turned successful real estate deals, dreamed of building a company focused on “compassionate service,” said his parents, Michael and Sandy Nyenhuis.

Although devastated, his parents and his sister, Raleigh, were determined that his spirit and dreams live on. Two months after he died, they established The J9 Foundation, a nonprofit charitable organization that provides scholarships, training and opportunities to mentor.

The foundation’s mission is to inspire a global movement of “compassionate entrepreneurs, those who utilize their God-given gifts to improve their own lives and the lives of others,” Michael Nyenhuis said.

“This isn’t charity,” he said. “This is an investment in a successful business idea. It’s a partnership about the power of business to transform lives and communities.”

By investing in the future of people a half- world away, some Glynn Academy students are banking on the ideals of a young entrepreneur who believed business should be about making someone else’s life better.

Members of the high school’s Future Business Leaders of America, Phi Beta Lambda chapter, are investing $500 in a small shop that provides basic groceries and household items for residents of several rural villages in western Kenya.

In return, the 68-student club will own 15 percent of the business run by a 24-year-old woman working to help her community rise from poverty to become economically self-sufficient.

The business students are participating in the J9 program established to honor Jacob Nyenhuis.

Michael Nyenhuis is president of Brunswick-based MAP International, a nonprofit relief and development agency. The foundation isn’t affiliated with MAP, but its humanitarian work inspired Jacob Nyenhuis and helped shape his vision of what he wanted to do with his life.

He accompanied his father to Kenya and South America, where MAP provides medicines and other relief to people living in the world’s most impoverished communities. Kenya was his son’s favorite place, Nyenhuis said.

“Jacob was very deeply touched by the poverty he saw, but also the joy he saw in the people he met in Kenya,” Nyenhuis said. “Jacob once said there were not enough good people making a lot of money and sharing it. He wanted to have a big company and make a lot of money, but he wanted to share the money, not hoard it.”

Through the foundation and its partner, Nairobi-based Community Aid International, the FBLA chapter is investing in a shop run by Carolyne Kbaka in the Ajigo Marketplace in Kenya’s Bondo District on the shore of Lake Victoria. The district is one of the poorest areas in Kenya.

Equivalent to about 35,000 Kenyan shillings, the students’ investment will buy five bags of sugar, seven bags of wheat, six cartons of cooking fat and five bales of salt for Kbaka’s store.

The students chose the business after analyzing business plans including financial data submitted by Kbaka and two others seeking investment capital through the program. They also focused on details from the entrepreneurs about how their business will benefit their community.

FBLA chapter members discussed the applications for 90 minutes before unanimously deciding to invest in Kbaka’s shop.

“We looked at how she’s excelled in her business so far. We also looked at how, by helping her business, she will be able to help other businesses and the people who come to her shop,” said chapter reporter Whitney Baker, 18, a senior planning a career in corporate law.

They also considered Kbaka’s situation as a wife and mother of two young children working to succeed in a society where women traditionally have had few business opportunities, said chapter President Ashley Washington, also an 18-year-old senior.

“I felt she needed a little more help than the two men who applied. I also think her willingness to give up 15 percent of her business was really nice, especially since the others were offering 8 percent and 10 percent,” said Washington, who is considering a career in fashion or public relations.

The students are getting real-world experience as venture capitalists to go along with their business studies in the classroom. The chapter will receive a portion of Kbaka’s profit, which it will re-invest in future businesses through the program, said Glenn Etheridge, business teacher and chapter adviser.

Etheridge said the students will get quarterly reports from Kbaka. He also hopes they can talk directly to her at some point, said Etheridge, who was one of Jacob Nyenhuis’ teachers.

A few weeks after his son’s death, Michael Nyenhuis stood by his grave, alone in his grief.

“I was thinking, ‘What am I going to do now? What would Jacob have done?’ Then it came to me, ‘Make Jacob’s dream a reality.’ I think God gave me the idea to start Jacob’s foundation,” he said.

Michael and Sandy Nyenhuis, a teacher and private tutor, have dedicated the foundation to their son’s business sense, his compassionate heart and his unwavering desire, as he once told a friend, “to do something every day to make someone else’s life a little better,” his father said.

Its name, “J9,” is shorthand for his name: the J from Jacob and 9 from Nyenhuis, which is pronounced “Nine-hice.” The teen had planned to use that name for his future real estate development company.

The business club students took up Jacob Nyenhuis’ mission this year as part of a pilot program that, if successful, could be expanded to Brunswick High School and other FBLA chapters nationwide.

Source: Jacksonville News

President Obama's grandmother lives in the same district in which the J9 Entrepreneurs project is held. We journeyed (at our own risk) to the area where she lives during our trip there last Sept/Oct. Thanks to our amazing driver, David, we all survived the trip!

Much to our surprise, when she learned that several North Americans were on her land, President Obama's grandmother graciously invited us into her home. We each signed her guestbook. Right there in her very modest living room in a remote area of Africa was a life-sized cardboard cutout of her grandson. There were also framed pictures on her walls of times when he had visited her. She was clearly very proud of her grandson. When she greeted our group, she warmly welcomed each and every one of us individually. Someone in the group mentioned that it looked like Obama might win the election that had not yet taken place. Her humble response was, "We'll leave that in the Lord's hands." What a beautiful reply! Jacob would have liked her and her response. And, yes, it's all in the Lord's hands anyway.

As we left, I glanced over at the gravesite of her son, President Obama's father, which is only steps from her home. Then it hit me...She knows my pain. She too has lost a son. Our group consisted of Republicans and Democrats, but no matter what position we respresented, we all were honored to be part of that experience.

For anyone interested in knowing more about the recent trip to Africa to participate in the work of The J9 Foundation established in Jacob's memory, please go to "His Legacy" where some of the details have been shared.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.   Ephesians 3:20 & 21

God, thank you for the power of the resurrection that offers eternal life in Heaven with You.  This is only the beginning.  So much of life is yet to come, and it will be better than we could possibly imagine!  Being in the presence of Your Son and my son at the same time will be the most wonderful experience of my life.  I can hardly wait!  But I will wait upon You.

On March 28, 2009, Michael and I were out in public when we  heard the song, "How Far Is Heaven?" playing on the radio.  Michael looked over at me and said, "Hey! One of our favorite songs!"  We were delighted to hear that song because it's rather rare to hear it out in public settings.  Many times since Jacob's death we have wanted to know just how far Heaven is.  We have come to believe that it is VERY close.

That evening, we were sitting out on our front porch watching and listening to the long-awaited rainfall that had finally arrived.  It was a very quiet, soothing setting.  Michael has his iPhone in hand, but his arms were crossed, so the phone was tucked up underneath his other arm along his side.  He had been looking at the weather radar to see how much rain was still headed our way, but then got lost in the sights and sounds of the rain.

Without any known prompting on Michael's part, his iPhone started making a loud sound which startled both of us.  We could make out a cheering sound and then someone yelling something, but it took a few moments to realize what was happening.  Michael's iPhone screen was showing a live concert recording of the song "How Far Is Heaven?"  It was a YouTube video.  He had no idea how it came up on the screen and started playing.  As I mentioned, the last thing he had done was check the weather radar.  He didn't even remember closing out that site.  To have gotten to YouTube and that video, it would have required a very specific series of taps on the iPhone screen in very specific places.  He just had the phone in has hand, tucked up under his arm.  He doesn't doubt that he had touched the screen, but to have done it so perfectly as to get a video to play and to get THAT PARTICULAR ONE is beyond all odds.

We both kicked off our shoes, for it felt like we were standing on holy ground.  We were experiencing another burning bush.  Heaven was NOT that far away, and we knew it.

Shortly after Jacob died, I had the opportunity to talk with his English professor at The University of Georgia.  She wanted to know if I would like copies of the papers Jacob wrote for her class during the five weeks he was a student there.  Of course I was delighted to have them!

As we spoke with one another, his professor shared with me a few memories she had of Jacob in that short time. The thing that stood out the most to her was Jacob's kindness to everyone in the class. The large class had smaller "break-out" sessions during the week.  In those sessions, she would frequently ask the students to get into groups of 2 or 3 to critique papers and discuss topics. Each time they did that, she said Jacob was quick to find a partner or partners. Of all the kids in the class, she said Jacob was the only "white" student who would seek out another student who was African American. He did it without hesitation, and that left an impression on her.

I told the professor Jacob was like that ever since he was little. My husband and I did our best to avoid promoting stereotypes about people. We wanted our children to grow up around all kinds of people with a clear understanding that we were no better than anyone else and no one else was better than us.  People were not to be defined by skin color, clothing, accents, language or socio-economic backgrounds. God made us ALL and loved us ALL THE SAME! Our kids seemed to really "get it." Jacob lived it out, and other people noticed. Part of Jacob's legacy will be his love for ALL people here on earth. Praise God for giving Jacob a heart that was so pure.

My husband and I agreed to continue Jacob's cell phone service after he died so that anyone who wanted could call his number and hear his voice.  Friends of his have mentioned that they call it now and then, and really like being able to do that.  I call his phone almost every time I visit the cemetery.  I look at his picture I've tucked behind the nameplate and listen to his voice while I'm there.

Several months after Jacob died, I discovered something for the very first time.  I saw that Jacob had entered a greeting on his phone that came up for just a few seconds as the phone was turning on.  The words were so appropriate.  Here is a picture of the screen with his greeting on it.

Those words tell me that Jacob's life was full and while he was looking forward to a long life here on earth, he was also ready to go Home.  God had filled him up, and anyone who knew him well enough knew that Jacob's cup was not only full, but overflowing!

The black oval on the right of the screen is not my thumb.  It is the area of the screen that was damaged in the accident.  How thankful we are that the entire screen wasn't damaged.  It is amazing to be able to turn on Jacob's phone and still see the last calls he made and received before he died.  The last call he made was to our home at 4:08 pm.  Jacob's accident was at 8:10pm. 

The last call he received was from his best friend, about 25 mins before the accident took place.  Their call only lasted a couple of minutes. 

I am comforted knowing that these were Jacob's last calls. A sweet added blessing is being able to see the call he made to me on my birthday just a week before he died.  He tried my cell first, but I didn't hear it ring. The he tried our home number.  Next he tried his sister's phone and he talked with her a few mins.  Finally he tried Dad's phone and found me.  Thankfully, he was persistent.  You can see we talked quite awhile.  He was so sweet to wish me a happy birthday.  This was the same conversation that he told us all about being in church that morning and discovering that Mark Richt, the coach of the Georgia football team, attended his church.  Jacob had seen him there that morning.  He was so excited!  I will cherish that phone call for the rest of my life.

Dad saw these 5 S-2000's parked outside Spanky's by the mall on December 12, 2008.  You should have been there too!

Today, December 4, 2008, I attended the funeral of my dear friend, Jo Dean.  She and I had been in a spiritual accountability group for years, so she heard plenty of Jacob stories during that time.  Jo Dean knew how much I loved my kids.  When Jacob died, she and the other group members offered their love and support.  They all knew how hard it was for me to live through the loss of Jacob.  Now, Jo Dean is with Jacob, and to be completely honest, I am jealous.  She is actually the third friend of mine from that small group to enter into Heaven.  That means Jacob has three of my dear friends to be "Mom" to him until I get there.

Over the past few days, I have thought a lot about the fact that Jo Dean now gets to be with my Jacob.  As I drove to the funeral by myself, my thought was, "I sure hope Jo Dean gets to be here today to see her own funeral and all the love people have for her, and I hope Jacob gets to come along too since the service is being held in the same sanctuary where his memorial service was held."  When I pulled into the parking lot, I slipped into one of the few spots left.  Just so happens I pulled in right next to a vehicle that had a license plate that just about knocked me over.  It was my sign that yes, Jacob probably was with Jo Dean today and they were both smiling.

Jo Dean's service was wonderful!  The choir was a gathering of many people in the community who were participating in the presentation of Handel's Messiah, a holiday tradition of which Jo Dean was a part for many years.  When they sang the Hallelujah Chorus, I could feel the presence of Jo Dean and the angels.  My guess is Jesus and Jacob were there too and they really got excited when the choir sang a dynamic version of "Soon and Very Soon."  Everyone was clapping and smiling. 

When the reception following the funeral was over, a friend of mine and I walked out into the parking lot.  Not many cars were left, but the vehicle I parked next to that had the great license plate was still there, so I pointed it out to my friend.  She just said, "Oh my gosh!"  She knew exactly why it meant so much to me.  I decided to snap a picture of it before leaving.

Our family always loved to have fun together.  After Jacob died, we used the motto, "We are a family of four!" to remind us that we will always be together in spirit, no matter what.  A license plate that says 4FMLYFN was enough to make me laugh.  I don't know whose vehicle this was since it was from out of state, but I find it rather funny that the license plate is from North Carolina, the state our family vacationed in numerous times and had lots of fun. Please notice it also has the name Matthew on the license plate frame.  Oh, and did you happent to catch that number 9 in the upper left-hand corner?  Hmmm...

To continue on the theme of our Family of Four, a dear friend of ours who lives in Scotland recently sent us a shirt he knew would mean a great deal to us.  Michael proudly wore it on Thanksgiving Day.  Here is a picture of Raleigh and Michael from our walk on the beach that day.

Jacob invested his money in a variety of places.  One particular place was thru a site on the internet, but after Jacob's death, we could not access his account because we did not know his username and password.  We had tried a few different possible combinations, but none of them worked.  Michael eventually contacted someone at the website and explained the situation.  We were told we needed several documents, some of which needed to be notarized.  To be honest, neither of us were up to it, especially since one required item was the death certificate.  We really didn't want to access that document.

On December 2, 2008, I was going through old emails.  This is quite a chore considering that I have over 1,000 emails dating back to 2004.  I'm not really sure why I was going through them, but even when I clicked the wrong place on the screen and had to start all over again a couple of times, I didn't give up.  Again, I don't know why.  At one point, I even asked myself, "Why bother with this?"  But something kept pushing me to do it.

After scanning hundreds of email titles, one caught my eye.  It had never been opened.  I had not opened up any other emails that I found unopened, and the sender name on this one wasn't even remotely familiar to me, but something nudged me to open it.  The date of the email was late spring or early summer of 2006.  Much to my surprise, it was an email addressed to Jacob.  As I continued to read, right there in the body of the email were the username and password to the account we could never get into.  Unfortunately the website is now far more sophisticated and requires more than just a username and password, so it didn't help me access his account anyway.

What really caught my attention was the password Jacob chose.  We had never known him to use that one before, which is why we never did guess the right combination of username and password.  What was the password?  Veilside.  Perhaps that doesn't seem remarkable to you, but ever since Jacob died, we have marveled at the way Heaven and Earth are separated only by a thin veil.  We frequently refer to Heaven as being just on the other SIDE of the VEIL.  Get it?  Veilside.  Jacob is now just on the other SIDE of the VEIL.  Strange how these things show up, even 2+ years later.  Little pieces of revelation continue to come along.  Praise God!

Oh, just in case some of you are not familiar with the word veilside, it's the name of a company that produces body kits for cars to make them look even sweeter.  So, it is not surprising that Jacob would choose this word.  What is peculiar is how relative the word ended up being for us. He's in the details.

Several years ago, Jacob's youth leader, Carter, shared a particular verse with the kids during a discussion one Sunday night.  That verse made a huge impact on Jacob.  From that point forward Jacob made it his "life" verse.  Those of you who know Jacob would likely agree that he did a pretty good job of living it.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.  1Timothy 4:12

When Jacob was preparing a proposal to bring before a local real estate developer who served as a wonderful role model for Jacob, I wrote this verse down on an index card and left it for Jacob on his bed. Roy would probably say that Jacob walked into his office that day with this verse alive and active in his spirit.  Where else does a young man get such confidence and strength? God and the angels must have been beaming especially bright that day in Heaven. As his mother, I was beaming with pride and joy over my son!!!

On our last morning together, Jacob and I sat out on the back porch with the dogs.  The picture above was taken from that porch, and the dog is our golden retriever, Cammie.  While this picture was taken a little over two years after Jacob's death, it felt like he was visiting with me out on the porch again.  I have a basic point and shoot digital camera. No effects have been added.  This was the way the sun was naturally shining through the trees.  It was spectacular!

We have recently returned from a visit to the J9 Compassionate Entrepreneurs project that The J9 Foundation has implemented in partnership with Community Aid International (CAI). This project takes place in Africa, in Bondo District of Kenya to be exact. Jacob’s father, my husband Michael, has visited the project twice before and is in regular dialogue with those who are on the ground implementing the project. However, this was my first trip to see the project up close, to meet the highly professional and skilled project staff who are all Kenyans, and to meet the young people who are participating as “J9 Compassionate Entrepreneurs.”  

Being able to observe the fruit of Michael's hard efforts and determination was truly amazing.  The love of a father for his son was evident as I saw how Jacob's dream was being carried out right before my eyes.  Before this trip, it was ideas and written words.  Yes, there were wonderful stories about what was happening, but until I saw it with my own eyes, there was no way to fully grasp the magnitude of what Michael had done.  Of course, Michael did not act alone.  Joseph Kwaka, who is the force on the ground in Kenya that is behind all of this, played a large role in making Jacob's dream a reality.  After meeting with Michael for the first time, Joseph fully embraced Jacob's spirit and the program Michael had envisioned.  Michael and Joseph were true brothers working together for a common cause.  Meeting Joseph, the J9 Project Coordinator, Nelson, and the rest of the staff in Bondo only served to reinforce the confidence I already had in them.  The immediate and powerful bond I felt with Joseph and his beautiful wife Gakii was further affirmation that our partnership and this project is blessed by God.

Twelve other men and women from North America were a part of this trip which was wonderfully coordinated by Atlanta-based Heart For Africa. We participated in a full week of training with the entrepreneurs by speaking about specific areas of business, life and faith. Each person brought a unique expertise/knowledge/gifting that was shared with the young entrepreneurs throughout the week, be it marketing, finance, human resources, etc. We had executives from UPS, Microsoft and other well-known international companies. Relationships were formed and memories were made that will never be forgotten.

One of the highlights was having a chance to meet J9 Entrepreneurs who went through the training last year and are now running successful businesses. Each one shared with us his/her compassionate service to the community, a unique component of this project.  The mission statement of The J9 Foundation is: Inspiring a global movement of entrepreneurs who utilize their God-given gifts to improve their own lives and the lives of others. Their business plans each included this compassionate component.

Perhaps my favorite entrepreneur from last year's class is Wilfred whose business is collecting and selling fish maw. Fish maw is the air bladder inside a particular fish found in nearby Lake Victoria that is in great demand, especially in Asia. Wilfred has made arrangements with fisherman who have agreed to remove the fish maw before sending the fish they catch off for processing. He then goes to the various fisherman and collects the fish maw they have removed. Last year, all Wilfred had was a bicycle for transportation and a small cooler to store the fish maw, which greatly limited the number of ports he could visit. With the loan he received through the J9 Compassionate Entrepreneurs project, he was able to buy an electric scooter. His business increased quickly. In fact, Wilfred now owns a pickup truck and has hired a second person to help him collect the fish maw. He has been able to move his wife and young child into a larger dwelling with electricity, a luxury he did not have in his previous home. His younger brother is living with them since both parents have died. His act of compassionate service is paying for tuition, books and uniform for two orphans in secondary school who are not members of his direct family.

Standing in Wilfred’s home, hearing the excitement in his voice as he shared his ideas of other areas of business he wants to try, it felt like I was listening to my own son, Jacob, as he dreamed of all the things he was going to do. Wilfred, more than any other person I have met, embodies the spirit of Jacob. Wilfred dreams, acts and serves as Jacob did. To witness these qualities in Wilfred and his enthusiasm was both exciting and excruciating. Exciting to see the impact Jacob’s life has had on this young man’s life. Excruciating to know it was because of Jacob’s death that this man’s dreams will live, and we will never see Jacob fulfill his dreams on this side of Heaven. I know I should only focus on the positive, but the positive could not exist without the negative. As I looked at Wilfred’s beautiful wife and young child, I felt great joy knowing that their lives will be better as a result of Wilfred’s participation in the J9 project, but it also reminded me that I will never see Jacob’s wife and child, two things he dreamed about and looked forward to.

Several people who had never met Jacob before felt like they knew him by the end of our time in Bondo.  In fact, some said they had a strong sense of his presence at different times.  Even the young entrepreneurs who were in the training felt like they had gotten to know Jacob.  One morning the class entertained us with singing and skits.  At one point during a skit, someone was explaining how the training got started.  He shared Jacob's vision and life story perfectly.  How strange but wonderful to be on another continent and hear people talk about Jacob and his dreams.

Near the end of the trip, each of the North Americans were paired up with two or three members of this year's class.  We had a couple of opportunities to meet in small groups, which gave us a chance to learn more about each other and for the young entrepreneurs to ask more questions regarding their business ideas and goals.  We also exchanged contact information in order to maintain a relationship.  Each of the students will have access to the computer room at the training center to exchange email.  Cell phones are also very common in Africa, even among the very poor.  The service is excellent there and very inexpensive compared to North America, so text messaging is also another form of communication.  It will be exciting to watch this next class as they take what they learn and apply it to their own small businesses.  They are in our prayers and in our hearts forever.

Something strange happened to me on this trip. (Even though this trip was not about me.) I found myself shutting down emotionally. Walls were being erected that kept many experiences from fully penetrating my heart, and I don’t know why. Was I afraid of the pain I was feeling as I saw people living in squalor and young children in dirty clothes and bare feet with no adult supervision? Was I ashamed of the depth of grief I experienced as a result of my son's death when these people see death, suffering and tragedy every day of their lives? Was I afraid to be vulnerable in front of so many people I was meeting for the first time? I don’t know the answer, but the fact that I shut down bothers me. Why? Because Jacob never shut down when he walked amongst hurting people. His heart was broken, and he grieved their suffering. He opened his heart up, but my heart shut down. Was it my own pride, greed, fear, etc.? All I could think was, “Oh, Jacob! You were such a wonderful person. Why did you have to leave? I’m not nearly as good as you. The world needs more of you!” Tears came but not freely or frequently. My heart was very moved by what I saw. I loved the people we met. But too often I wouldn’t allow myself to “go there,” and I can’t explain why.

I decided to go the cemetery today.  We leave for Africa in less than a week and I wasn't sure how many opportunities there would be to get to the cemetery before then.  The weather was beautiful.  During the visit, I told Jacob that our trip to Kenya was to visit the young entrepreneurs project that The J9 Foundation began over a year ago with our partner, CAI. This was part of his dream--to help equip poor people with the tools and support they needed to rise up out of poverty.  Then, I asked him if he could go with us to see how his dreams are being fulfilled.

On the drive back home, I found myself in a line of vehicles traveling slowly down the main road on our island.  School had just let out, and we were all behind a school bus making stops along the way.  Since we weren't going anywhere quickly, I just relaxed and began looking around.  That's when I noticed the license plate on the FED EX truck in front of me.  JA927J.  Maybe it's just me, but those letters and number jumped out at me.  That first part--JA9--made me think "J9" which is Jacob's nickname.  It's also the name we used for the foundation we established in his memory.  I thought it was funny it ended with J as well.  Jacob's full name is Jacob J Nyenhuis.  He has no middle name, just an initial with no period. Then I realized the numbers 927.  Our first day in the region where The J9 Foundation project is will be September 27th--9/27--927.  Hmmm.

Call me crazy if you want, but I could not help but wonder if that was a little sign or "wink" from God to say, "Yes, Jacob will be with you."  Would God really use a license plate on a truck to speak to me?  I don't know for sure, but considering He is God, I think He could use anything He wanted to show that He cares about the desires of my heart.

A few days ago, I was praying and asking God if He would give me some little sign that He loves me and that Jacob is doing well.  That probably sounds silly, because I already know God loves me, and I know Jacob is in Heaven, surely doing well.  But a person needs to be shown love in a unique and special way now and then.  God's love for me is all over the place--in the gorgeous sky, the beautiful flowers, the intricacies of a single leaf.  They shout out to each of us how much God loves us, but at times we need something more.

When I asked for the sign, I told God that it might need to be something rather unusual or I would miss it.  Of course, after asking for a sign, my eyes are usually wide open in anticipation, but "blindness" can still set in.  A couple of days later, as Michael, Raleigh and I sat calmly at the breakfast bar in our kitchen, my earring dropped off my ear.  Nothing unusual about that except when it stopped rolling around, we noticed that the backing was still on the earring!

Michael said right away, "You must have torn your earlobe!" but I couldn't remember doing anything to cause that, and I certainly was in no pain.  I grabbed my earlobe--no blood.  We all tried to figure out how that could have happened.  Hmmm.  Maybe God was saying, "You asked for something rather unusual, and I did it."  It sure caught my attention.

While being very grateful for what might well have been a sign of God's love for me, I explained to God that my earring did not have a Jacob connection.  Was there any way He could give me a "Jacob" sign.  A day or two later, I was out watering my plants when something caught my eye.  A dragonfly almost always perches itself on a metal birdfeeder holder in my garden when I'm outside, so I figured that's what it was.  Much to my surprise, it was a hummingbird hovering in the air nearby.  It was as though it was staring right at me.  After several seconds, it darted off.  For anyone who knows my hummingbird stories, they are definitely a special Jacob connection.  I had not seen a hummingbird in months!  That was my "Jacob" sign from God.  I smiled, laughed, and praised God for His amazing grace and love for me.

For anyne who thinks it is wrong to ask God for signs--that it indicates a lack of faith--I ask you to reconsider.  God loves me.  That's a fact!  I will never forget that.  But on occasion, I ask for a special gesture or sign of His love.  Don't you think our loving Lord delights in showing His love for us, especially in very individual ways?  He wants us to know His love for us more than anything else.  If we long for Him, He loves to show up.  In His perfect time, and in His perfect way.  We just have to open our eyes and drink in His goodness. 

Who, more than God, knows how much I  miss Jacob?  Who, more than God, knows how much I love Jacob?  Don't you think He enjoys reminding me that Jacob is safely right there with Him?  God knows my heart more than anyone.  He knows I'm not asking for proof that He exists, that He loves me, or that Jacob is there in Heaven with Him.  He knows I'm just asking for a sweet reminder.  Just as a husband or wife loves to do something special for a spouse, or a parent longs to express love to a child, God delights in showing His love for us in very individualized ways.  The problem is we don't look for His love, or we are afraid to ask.  It would break my heart to know my child longed for something but never asked out of fear that I would refuse or consider it wrong.  It would break my heart if I was expressing my love to my husband, but he never bothered to notice.  God's love is FAR greater than any love I have, so it makes perfect sense that he enjoys giving us signs of His love, even when we ask for it.